Being a man, there are so many traits in women that I fail to understand. One of these is the socializing that goes in any restroom amongst Indian women. There are so many dynamics and complexities involved in a process as simple and as fundamental as peeing. A restroom in a multiplex in India, has swarms of women hanging out there. Sorry to disappoint you curious men who are reading frantically to know what exactly happens in a ladies restroom. I ain’t telling you that. But if you know what I mean, I don’t see why for something as quick and as uncomplicated as peeing, women have to drag the entire group of friends into cramped restrooms.
My friend and I used to hang out a lot. Invariably after a movie she would have to go seek a restroom and drag me there. In college, when you suddenly saw the entire group of girls leaving the class laughing and talking in a hushed hushed way, much to the curiosity of the other guys and to the consternation of me, you should know that the group leader needs to empty her bladder. I wonder if the entire group follows her to cheer the group. It’s like paying a visit to someone’s home, where you accompany a leader when she needs to pee, and I’ll accompany you when you need to pee. On a funny as well as a scary note, I wonder if women holding pompoms cheer the peer (all puns intended) with a “yo-yo-yo-pee-pee-pee-we-are-here-to-accompany-thee” song. My friend told me that even if she had nothing to do in the restroom, she could hang around (hang around in a restroom?), look at herself in the mirror and wait till she is done. What more, she feels I am an imbecile who cannot get the pee-reflex myself at the beck and call of her reflexes.
I’d stay back, I don’t wanna pee now- is what I made the mistake of telling her once, to which she rolled her eyes and told me that I could hold her paraphernalia, refresh my make up, and converse with her over the cubicle.
I fail to understand the restroom dynamics, and why women feel so comfortable dragging their friends and relatives and sisters and mothers to the restroom. Perhaps one reason could be the safety factor involved, just to make sure that you aren’t locked up in the restroom with no one to find you, stranded unable to undo the tight knot in the churidar rope, or not confronted by some pervert rapist lurking in the dark alleys who attacked innocent young girls wanting to empty their bladders. But this factor aside, I fail to understand why every time women go to a restroom, I would be lost in a carnival going inside, with slim fashionable women refreshing their lipsticks and looking bitchily at other women through the mirror, voluptuous aunties with ill-fitting churidars holding the hands of the cranky, troublemaking little monsters while they noisily chatted with their bhabis and nanads (sister-in-laws). If this is a way of female bonding, I wonder if there aren’t other ways of bonding. I mean I have seen men who take sutta breaks (breaks to go out for a fag) and perhaps discuss everything from the status of the stock markets to the vital stats of their girlfriends (note: I have a feeling that when girlfriends become wives, men discuss the vital stats of other women, but then, correct me if I am wrong). But at least in a fag break, you are not obliged to hear the gurgling sounds of water (never mind the other associated noises) while you embarrassedly stand amongst a group of women animatedly conversing. And I would do anything to know if similar animated conversations and bonding sessions prevail in the men’s restrooms too. I do not know if this is a shortcoming of mine, but I could never pee in peace if there is a crowd standing outside, and that too, a crowd of known people of all things. Years back, I had read to my utter disgust in this book that the husband used to get aroused looking at his wife pee. Frankly, a husband like this would make sure he never ever entered the restroom again.
Perhaps there are certain dynamics in bonding, certain brewing chemistry that I am missing out on, something the specialists of sociology, psychology, and women studies can throw light on. Interestingly, I have never seen such gregarious behavior amongst the girls here (unless they are the desi girls once again). Girls here mean business, and no hi-hi-ha-ha or post-pee socializing while soaping hands. Anyway, enough about this, for I am already beginning to feel uncomfortable as my kidneys are reprimanding me. But if you are reading this and if you know me personally please stop asking me to accompany you every time you need to go to the restroom. I need no loo-cializing anymore.
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