The 'One' thing

Since the debate refuses to abate, here are my thoughts.  

In the beginning
God - whichever one you believe in - created a virus in the image of man. And woman. Now the trick to spreading the virus quickly and effectively was to have it replicate on its own.

So He invented sex. Yes, I will refer to God as 'He' because I think our Creator must have been a guy. Had it been a woman, certainly She would've given all of us periods annually - not every month!

But you see, God's primary motive in adding the sex angle was not pleasure but reproduction. The fact that it was pleasurable, of course, offered the incentive to undertake the activity.

As an added safety feature, to ensure perpetuation of his invention, God gave man a reproductive organ with a mind of its own. One that did not always and necessarily obey the commands from the High Command.

This hardwiring has complicated life for Modern Day Man. Say you meet a nice girl, and there is a mutual attraction. The High Command says, Wait! Take it easy. Get to know her. Be a gentleman.

But whether He likes it or not, the 'reproduce' circuit is also switched on and it sends really powerful signals...

Doesn't this also happen to women? Well, some believe it did in the Caveman era, but centuries of social conditioning, Mills & Boon novels and mushy films have had their evil effect. Although it looks like God wired us differently to begin with.

First of all, since women were the ones stuck with the unwanted side-effect ("badhaai ho, aap maa banne waali hain") they were bound to be much more cautious and see a big red "Stop" sign.

Advances in birth control have partially taken care of that factor, but it goes deeper.

Why Viagra doesn't work
The latest on the subject is that after eight years of tests involving 3,000 women, Pfizer, the company behind Viagra, has abandoned efforts to prove that the drug works for females too.

"It is the confirmation that men have long dreaded. Scientists have concluded that women achieve most sexual satisfaction through the stimulation of their brain and not any other organ...."

An excerpt of one report on the same issue:
Exhaustive research has concluded that men and women have a fundamentally different relationship between arousal and desire. A women's arousal is triggered by a network of emotional, intellectual and relationship-based factors rather than the simple physical response required by a man.

While a man's arousal almost always led to a desire for sex, there was no such obvious corresponding factor with women.... Men consistently get erections in the presence of naked women and want to have sex. With women, things depend on a myriad of factors."

In early trials where women were dosed with Viagra while watching erotic videos, the drug appeared to work. But further studies found that even though Viagra induced a greater pelvic blood flow, the women did not feel substantially more aroused. Therefore, Pfizer is now concentrating on finding drugs that affect a woman's brain chemistry.

The fact that the earth only moves for women if they think it does comes as no surprise to many leading female sexologists.

It has long been held in these circles that a women has an emotional libido . The only surprise has been that it has taken many hours of research and thousands of pounds to conclude something that is blindingly obvious...

That's why the whole porn industry is geared towards men and the romance industry towards women! As the old saying goes: girls use sex to get love, and guys use love to get sex.

'The One Thing'
So getting back to my original comment, the point is that a girl needs affection, understanding and emotion - after which sex may follow.

However, many girls have a physical relationship hoping to get their core needs fulfilled later. Only to find that doesn't always happen. And when it doesn't, it's extremely hurtful and demeaning.

Because the guy may actually just be scratching his reproductive itch, and have no emotions for her to begin with.

Now you may argue that sex will lead to an emotional bonding. Possible, but dicey. Guys do have a concept of women who they will sleep around or 'have fun' with, and women who 'mean more'. Women for whom they feel something in their brains and not just in their briefs.

Even in more 'liberated' countries, the casual and meaningless sexual encounter may be common but not necessarily fulfilling for the woman. A recent report from the UK reveals that despite the fact that both men and women experience their first intercourse at age 16, there remain gender differences in the experience of the event.

Women are twice as likely as men to regret their first experience of intercourse and three times as likely to report being the less willing partner.

Something to keep in mind before you make your decision...

And finally...
That brings me back to my original bit of advice for females: Make sure your boyfriend respects you and loves you for who you are, not just how you look.

And if I ever have a son I will tell him the same, although in a slightly different way: Make sure your girlfriend is someone you would feel proud enough to bring home and introduce to me.

Someone who makes you feel good - and feels good.
 
The latest research says that men have different sections in the brain for love and lust and women, think about this one-romantic love may not mean great sex. In fact, true love may mean no lust for the man, while scorching sex may have nothing to do with love at all. So the next time your man romances you-think true love, but the next time he tries to get some-it may not be a natural expression of true love! The man who is capable of great sex may not be the greatest love of your life. Poof! For generations scientists have studied the colours of human mating, the hiss and swagger that precede sexual interest, the clandestine courtship phase, the public display. They've left the private experience of falling in love and the different ways that man and woman fall in love and react in love, for analysis by others-mostly to poets.

We know there's an inborn human urge to mate, after all. Love remains a mystery, a promise and an arrow from Cupid's bow, which sometimes tantalizingly and sometimes painfully misses its mark.  

Boys mature later than girls and therefore do not have the emotional complexity required for such relatioinships. In fact, I don't think boys ever mature enough at all, and this is a part of the built in evolutionary mechanism. This is seen in many organisms, and especially in mammals. The purpose of the male of the species is to inseminate as many females as possible. Therefore, emotional attachment to any one female will hinder his chances of propogating his own genes as much as possible. The female on the other hand, finds the male that inseminates the other females most desireable, as this male has some sort of reproductive advantage or the other, and therefore is not at a loss if the female has an emotional attachment.

Actually, I think it is in the brain, because the female 'chooses' the male, in a manner that she gets the best children, so that her genes are propogated. If she chooses the alpha male of the tribe say, then there are less chances of the kids getting killed by a rival male. Also, the fittest genes gets passed on.While this kind of alpha male - and female harem system still exists in a few places, mostly human society thinks that a monogamous society is better for "human" and "moral" values and the general well being of the society, and now every male can find one female to inseminate (thankfully there are not too many proponents of eugenics), BUT the evolutionary mechanism hasn't passed in males.

There is some research going on that the male is injected with substances that makes him more likely to be a doting husband and father. Basically, an injection like viagra, that feminises a guy...

I guess we are all animals, no matter how much we talk about complex emotions and stuff, and God would have made it all simpler if he'd really made us in the first place. First of all, he could have made ONE gender that could inseminate any other or themselves (clonal propagation). someone should research into making this possible...

Till the middle half of the last century victorian modesty was predominant. Now women are getting more and more liberal , specially in western societies and they have come out of the closet sexually as well. Women go to great lengths to make themselves "sexy" (modesty , what ?). Not just in the nightlife but even at work women dress as revealingly as possible without messing with the law. You might object that they are "using sex to get love". There are many counterarguments to this one of the strong ones being spring breaks and females here. Everyone knows what they are for students here... uninhibited sex and booze and party on the beach. Guess what ! there are equal number of females reveling there.

I think there is a big difference in eastern and western thought regarding female sexual attitudes. In India its still pretty much taboo (notwithstanding those racy hollywood dances) and there needs to be a lot of unconditioning before you can actually get to the real feeling/instincts..I would say if girls read MB's and get their libido satisfied then thats porn for them.. For guys MB's dont do it.. and they need explicit images or videos..Regarding guys having the concept of "sleeping around" and "girls who mean more"... its totally correct but then the question is how many guys actually act on the "sleeping around" concept, or even if some decide to act on it how many of them are actually successful and how often.

My observation is, the good looking guys have tons of girls going after them and these girls have a silly belief that they would actually find the true love after they get him. This guy (if he's player) will play around with infinite chicks and finally settle down with one.. and there will be 50 girls who end up butter about men in the whole process. "men are pigs" stereotype.. and at the same time, the rest of the men are fighting to get some action, and their best bet is to fall in love or "arranged marriage" because i doubt they will get a one night stand.. So there you go.. (this is the time when I feel communism is a way to go, equal sharing of resources is the need :-) )

One observation though: for a guy its harder to get out of a messy breakup than it is for a girl.. Guys do crazy things after wards while girls most of times manage much better... wonder why?? and another thing, even girls are extremely shallow in their thinking. Go through some of the postings on dating sites.. they are hilarious..
I mean does she have a concept of reality!! I doubt that if some such person exists.. who has all those attributes..and "loves her like her father" what does that mean anyways?

Here's an example:
" I am a layed back cool girl/woman. I have infinate patience, a sexual being, and am a very soulful and passionate person. I appreciate beauty in every form, and I am honest and trustworthy. I love laughter and that exciting feeling I get from making eye contact with the right person as sparks fly, and that warm fuzzy feeling from skin on skin holding each other later. I am not hard to please or demanding, and I will bend over backwards for those who show me respect. I am a very silly person and I get along with almost any type of person. I am a musical being, it is the language I speak most clearly and dearly. I am looking for someone humble, who has no idea how great he is, who is unique & creative & has passion, & a drive to succeed. Someone who is tender and kind. Someone who is capable of loving me more than himself (which should be reciprocated of course). Someone who respects and cherishes me. Someone who listens, and who'll tell me the truth when I need to hear it. Someone who cares greatly & who has good judgement. Someone who has alot to share with me. Someone who I can trust and who is honest. Someone who makes me feel like I'm floating when I'm with him. Someone who can love & tolerate me and my friends' relationships, which can be silly at times. Someone patient. Someone who'll play with my hair & kisses my neck in the right spot:) Someone who knows their boundaries. Someone who'll know what giving is. Someone who finds nothing wrong with treating me like a godess, but who is not posessive (also reciprocated). Someone who has a unique sexiness. someone who is good in bed :) Someone who is sensitive but not too sensitive. Someone who makes me smile, not unlike a giddy schoolgirl. Someone who'll love me as much as my father does. Someone independant and determined. Someone who won't break my heart. Someone who can appreciate my quirks (don't worry, nothing too bad)."

That's a post with a lot to satisfy the intellect. Yes all that you have written is what the research says. But you know what the problem is? We start intellectualizing things too much.

Its about sex? Is it? Is it about being frank in talking things to your children?

We have all grown up with analysis and that's what we are giving the kids. Many a times what positions love is this analysis and intellectualizing. These are small things you know when you talk about love what is freedom what is individuality what is space? Its like going to God and asking for peanuts. The problem is when you start talking about love you lose love and you get into an endless domain of thoughts. You follow one and you get into another one and it goes on and on, and when it becomes too much you find yourself in a disturbed state, you take sleeping pills and at one point of time you think of committing suicide. That's the biggest tragedy. That may be an extreme but the current generation has felt it more than the elderly have. The reason? too much of  intellectualizing which only takes one away from love. Love is not about saying and talking and thinking those are the results. . . Its about feeling. Love can only be felt and can not be defined can not be expressed. It has to have some more attributes but I think that would be too much. About sex, yes the only purpose is reproduction. The moment you put your faculties in its right use all questions of morals and ethics disappear.

Problem with the modern day beings is that they want too much of everything, I buy a car and I end up driving 3000 kilometers in a month . . why? because of the thrill driving gives me . . That's the problem with everything, we feel attracted and we follow attraction to limits, we have forgotten conservation and this has been happening for ages. Every generation is more addicted to pleasure and happiness you know than its previous generation and thats what corruption is. We are corrupt, all of us and thats what we are passing to the next generation . . generation after generation.

Sorry for the long comments, always get carried away with this topic :-) All those feelings about feminism and what not, and believe me I am not against women.

Case closed.