Jaana To Ek Din Sabko Hai, Hai Na?

I have been feeling a good amount of depression of late. Well, depression might be the wrong word to use, feeling low is more like it. This is not even remotely connected to my previous post on depression.

Remember those TV commercials in the good old days when a woman draped in a black sari would want to tell you something with that surreptitious look on her face and the I-wanna-tell-you-a-secret look in her eyes?

Mujhe aapse kuch kehna hai. Kaise kahoon? Un dino mujhe bahut dard hota tha. Bahut pareshaani hoti thi........
 
Mujhe to in dino bhi pareshaani ho rahi hai. Before you start getting ideas about the dard I am referring to, let me explain.

Aajkal ke zamaane mein?Of course I know aajkal ke zamaane mein being in touch is not a problem. Email and phone zindabad, and being net savvy, I am very much in touch with people, though they live in all parts of India and abroad.

But can anything compensate for getting to meet them and having a cuppa coffee or hanging out in the favorite food joints, with endless hours of senseless, itsy-bitsy talks about anything and everything?

It’s not that I would get to meet them everyday, or even every month. There aren’t many things I regret not having done in life. The one single thing that I do regret is that I did never get to experience hostel life. Of course I have been deriving a certain level of vicarious pleasure from friends who actually do/did, including my wife but that is beside the point. In hostels, you spend some 2-5 years together with hundreds of people, depending on the type of course you are into. You get close to a few, depending on the type of person you are. The level of doing-everything-together gets such that they become second family for you. And then one day your course gets over, you pack your bags, attend a few farewell parties, hug each other, and go your own way in life.

How many times do you get to see these friends again? Once? Twice? May be a handful of times? Assuming that they live in the same city that you do. How many times even then?

That is the way of life, that is how the world goes- that could be your logic. True. But that doesn’t dull the pain you feel to see your friends go away. It just can’t.

So when these people are all busy with their placements and getting their suits made and shopping for their new job and stuffs, I wonder if the pain would be worse than it was the last time?

For these are the friends I have laughed and cried with. I enter a certain restaurant to be reminded of the number of times I had been there in the past and had fought over who would pay for the food. I enter a certain station, to be reminded of the endless cups of coffee I had shared, debating on everything under the sun and seeing the trains leave one by one. I walk down certain streets, go to certain stores, and it all comes back to me again and again. I see the faces of my friends, smiling at me, waving at me, and it is then that I feel the loneliness.

And trust me, it is worse than seeing your beloved go away from you forever. For you know that your beloved loves you no more, and is gone forever, for good.

But these friends love you all the same, and stay in touch with you. You chat with them, email them, call them up, and this brings back the pain all the more.

Especially if you are in a cribbing mood like I am in today.

It is craziness to expect them to stay with you forever. Both you and I know that the world doesn’t work that way. But in their short sojourn, they leave behind millions of memories that make you so nostalgic.

 I still remember how I used to get late in Purohit's Cafe and how I would be undecided about what to eat (which usually would be a Masala Dosa). I still remember how I and my friends would make plans for the forest trips, which did happen twice.

Lots of memories. Fights about who would pay (actually not pay) the restaurant bills, cribbing about low mobile phone balances, bitching about the coevals and the profs, and of course the unanimous view of everyone that Udaipur is a very boring place to be in.

I hope that they are happy, now that they are gone from this city as I've too, where people take a siesta with as much of seriousness and regularity as Malaika Arora Khan does with her fitness and beauty regime, the place also being the quintessential example of bundhs and raasta jam and chaos and disorder.

Of course life goes on and you learn to live with everything. You go out and make new friends. And the cycle is repeated, you seeing them go away again and again. But that is the way the world works, isn’t it?

I know these are some of the best buddies I have had and they will be with me, no matter what. I can talk to them, meet them once in a while, email them and emaul them with the pathetic jokes I crack (okay, that was a poor one). But I can never threaten them with dire consequences if they cannot make it to the local food joint or the shopping mall at least once a week.

I still remember the day when I had been to see them off.

"You know what’s so good about marketing jobs? You get to travel to a lot many places. So you never know, by this time the next year, I might be in the same city once again."

It’s almost been fifteen long years.

Not that I blame people or end up feeling morose. I have learnt to take these things into my stride and appear unperturbed. Aakhir jaana to ek din sabhi ko hai, hai na?

And naah, I am not crying like that baby in the pic. It is just the thought of that injection tomorrow that’s causing the tears to flow.

Life is Beautiful

Yesterday, i happened to purchase this film not knowing how it would be. Can say just for the heck of seeing, it got way in my collection. But, it is really a beautiful movie as the name suggests. A must see classic. A collector's pick, it is.

Life Is Beautiful (Italian: La vita è bella) is a 1997 Italian language film which tells the story of a Jewish Italian, Guido Orefice (played by Roberto Benigni, who also directed and co-wrote the film), who must employ his fertile imagination to help his family during their internment in a Nazi concentration camp.

The first half of the movie is a whimsical, romantic, slapstick comedy set in the years before World War II. Guido Orefice (Roberto Benigni), a young Italian Jew, arrives in Arezzo where he plans to set up a bookstore, taking a job in the interim as a waiter at his uncle's hotel.

Guido is both funny and charismatic, especially when he romances a local school teacher, Dora (portrayed by Benigni's actual wife Nicoletta Braschi). Dora, however comes from a wealthy, aristocratic, non-Jewish Italian family. Dora's mother wants her to marry a well-to-do civil servant, but Dora falls instead for Guido where he ends up stealing her away at her engagement party from her aristocratic but arrogant fiancé.

Several years pass in which Guido and Dora marry and have a son, Giosué (Giorgio Cantarini).
Dora and her mother (Marisa Paredes) are estranged due to the unequal marriage. Later on, a reconciliation takes place just prior to Giosue's fourth birthday.

In the second half of the film, The Second World War has already begun. Guido, Uncle Eliseo, and Giosué are forced onto a train and taken to a Nazi concentration camp on Giosué's birthday. Dora demands to be on the same train to join her family and is permitted to do so.

In the camp, Guido hides his son from the Nazi guards, sneaks him food, and tries to humor him. In an attempt to keep up Giosué's spirits, Guido convinces him that the camp is just a game, in which the first person to get 1,000 points wins a tank. He tells him that if he cries, complains that he wants his mother, or says that he is hungry, he will lose points, while quiet boys who hide from the camp guards earn 1,000 points.
Guido convinces Giosué that the camp guards are mean because they want the tank for themselves and that all the other children are hiding in order to win the game. He puts off Giosué's requests to end the game and return home by convincing him that they are in the lead for the tank. Despite being surrounded by rampant misery, sickness, and death, Giosué does not question this fiction because of his father's convincing performance and his own innocence.

Guido maintains this story right until the end, when—in the chaos caused by the American advance—he tells his son to stay in a sweatbox until everybody has left, this being the final test before the tank is his. After trying to find Dora, Guido is caught, taken away and shot dead by a Nazi guard, but not before making his son laugh one last time by imitating the Nazi guard as if the two of them are marching around the camp together.
Giosué manages to survive and thinks he has won the game when an American tank arrives to liberate the camp. He is reunited with his mother, not knowing that his father has died. Years later, he realizes the sacrifice his father made for him, and that it was because of that sacrifice that he is still alive today. In the film, Giosué is around four and a half years old; however, both the beginning and ending of the film are narrated by an older Giosué recalling his father's story and sacrifice for his family.

Awards

At the 71st Academy Awards in 1998, Benigni won the Academy Award for Best Actor and the film won both the Academy Award for Best Original Dramatic Score and the Academy Award for Best Foreign Language Film. The movie was shown at the 1998 Cannes Film Festival, winning the Grand Prize of the Jury. It then went on to win the Academy Awards for Best Music, Original Dramatic Score and Best Foreign Language Film; Benigni won Best Actor for his role. The film was additionally nominated for Academy Awards for Directing, Film Editing, Best Picture, and Best Original Screenplay. An inspired motion picture masterpiece, LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL was nominated for 7 Academy Awards winning 3 Oscars, including one for Best Actor Robert Benigni.

A wonderful comic masterpiece – Chicago Tribune.

Sorry, could not absorb within me, so i let the story flow out.

Buy, all ye faithful

'Cos you gotta have faith' goes the old George Michael song. Sure. But the rise of religion-based identity is a vexing issue - as recent events in both France and Australia have shown.

Should we nullify differences, or acknowledge and celebrate them? That is the big question.

The French government's controversial ‘no headscarves’ rule in public schools is a reflection of the 'nullify' school of thought. But people will believe what they have to believe, is what any smart businessman knows. So let's acknowledge that and create products to cater to their unfulfilled needs!

Faith based products
In 2005, Paris saw the launch of a Muslim-themed fast-food restaurant - Buerger King ('buer' being the French slang for second generation Muslim immigrants from North Africa). The menu is standard but the waitresses wear head-scarves and all the meat served is 'halal'.

Then there was this ‘Mecca Cola’. Launched in 2003 by French entrepreneur Tawfik Mathlouthi with a shoestring budget of  €22 000, the soft drink cleverly capitalised on anti-American sentiment in the Muslim world. Additionally, Mecca Cola tom-toms its commitment to donate 20% of its profits to charity - 10% to Palestinian children and 10% to local organisations, wherever it sells.

Mecca Cola has spawned me-toos like the Qibla cola in the UK and a 7-up alternative - Muslim UP.

 Now what’s faith got to do with choice of a cellphone? Well, with a little imagination it well might. The Ilkone i800 is the world’s first- ever 'Islamic' mobile phone.

The handset includes features such as establishing Qibla direction (towards the Ka'bah at Mecca, which Muslims face to pray) from anywhere in the world and automatic precise prayer timing with inbuilt Azaan (call to prayers). Additionally, the Ilkone i800 contains the full text of the Holy Qur'an with English translations -approved by the scholars of Al-Azhar in Egypt.

The phone was the brainchild of Saqer Tellawi, a Palestinian telecommunication professional, who led a 2 ½ year R&D effort to develop the phone with the best technology, and highest quality 'Muslim' features. The product has been available in the Middle East since 2004 but was launched only in October 2005 in key
markets such as Malaysia. The company also targeted the 12-16 million strong Muslim population in Europe with a pre-Ramzan rollout in the Netherlands.

Other 'culturally compliant' products introduced by local entrepreneurs include 'Razanne' (a doll with a hijab) and Shukr Online (a store specialising in 'modest clothing').

Does faith sell?
But are these ventures small niche opportunities which make for interesting headlines, or do they signify an important trend marketers need to take note of?

Ilkone sold 100,000 units in 2004, although it hoped that number will soon swell to a trillion handsets by the end of 2010. The lack of key features such as camera and MP3 player is likely to put off trendy young Muslims. As for Mecca Cola, although it did get off to a promising start, the brand has under 1% of the market share in its biggest territory - France.

However, the slow progress being made by faith-based products could have more to do with the limitations of the start-ups selling them, than inherent lack of market potential. But it’s unlikely that large corporations will actually use religion to sell products. And if they do, it will be cloaked under the garb of ‘cultural sensitivity’.

The Ikea store in north London recently asked TheHijabShop.com to design a ‘hijab’ with the brand logo sewed on - for employees who wished to wear one as part of the company uniform. A symbolic
we-accept-you-are-different gestures which well might attract more Muslim customers to the shop.

Corporations like McDonald’s have always taken cognisance of local dietary preferences - religious restrictions included. So, in India, it sensibly deleted pork and beef from its menu. Conforming to local custom, it’s ‘halal burgers' in the Middle East and similarly, there’s a ‘kosher’ outlet in Jersualem to satisfy Orthodox Jews.

The new trend however is that based on demand from the local population, individual McDonalds and KFCs offer 'halal' items - in cities like Sydney and Detroit. A response to rising immigrant populations who, instead of assimilating into what ‘is available’, influence the availability itself.

Helping to 'keep the faith'
A recent report in IHT noted that “Global financial institutions, led by HSBC, Citigroup, Deutsche Bank and BNP Paribas, are now setting up either Islamic divisions or separate banks.”

HSBC’s ‘Amanah Islamic Banking Solutions’ are currently offered in Saudi Arabia, Malaysia, USA, UK, Indonesia, Bangladesh, Brunei and Singapore. The ‘Amanah’ products and services conform to the requirements of Islamic ‘shariah’ law.

Muslims, with their very distinct religion-based preferences, form the largest and most attractive market for faith-based products. But ‘Born Again Christians’ are being targeted similarly, in the US. The entertainment industry, in particular, is looking at churches as a serious alternative marketing ‘channel’ to reach out to family audiences.

‘The Passion of the Christ’, which raked in more than $400 million at the box office alone was marketed intensively at churches. But then, the subject matter was such that the strategy made perfect sense.

But the Walt Disney film ‘The Greatest Game Ever Played’ has nothing to do with Jesus – it’s about golf. Yet Disney held sneak previews at influential churches, promoting it as a film with “very secular, but potentially Christian virtues”.  

Disney also hired Motive Entertainment, which handled "The Passion of the Christ" church-marketing campaign, to sell the fantasy film "Narnia" to Christian audiences. Incidentally, many view the tale as a "Christian allegory."

20th Century Fox went a step further and launched a website called foxfaith.com which sells ‘family-friendly’ home videos to the Christian audience . A ‘church resources’ link offers downloads of Bible verses that are relevant to scenes in particular films.

It’s all a numbers game – greeting cards giant Hallmark classifies 72 million Americans as ‘Born Again’ and 14 million as ‘Evangelical’. Recognising the need to cater to this giant market, in 1999 Hallmark acquired ‘Dayspring’, a company specialized in the production of Christian greeting cards.

A CNN/Money report titled “The Financial Power of Faith” reported that religious-themed books now represent the No. 3 publishing category by market share, after popular fiction and cooking. That’s $1 billion in book sales – excluding Bibles. While in music, Contemporary Christian music (CCM) recordings now outsell classical and jazz music combined. 43 million Christian ‘rock’ albums flew off the shelves last year.

Even gaming developers are eyeing this lucrative market. Companies like ‘Digital Praise’ aim to provide wholesome alternatives to the gory games currently in the market with titles such as ‘Bible Games’ for the Xbox, PS2 and Gameboy.

The India story
Given the political incorrectness of the idea, overtly faith-based marketing does not really find favour. So, for example, instead of labelling themselves as ‘Hindu’, channels like Aastha sell on a ‘spiritual’ platform.

Of course, in the late 80s, Godrej Soaps did try to market ‘Ganga’ bath soap – hoping that its ‘Gangajal’ content would attract the devout. It didn’t work. Even though around the same time Ramanand Sagar’s Ramayan was a monster hit on television.

Now the Sagars may have another winning idea on their hands. Shiv Sagar, son of Ramanand Sagar, has plans to build ‘Gangadham’ a 25 acre Hindu ‘theme park’ at Hardwar. Dubbed as the ‘Disneyland on the Ganges’ by the BBC, the park aims to recreate great moments in Hindu mythology through hi-tech rides, an animated mythological museum, a "temple city", food courts and a sound and light show. Expected completion date: 2012.

Last but not the least, there's ‘tele-shopping’ on late night television. Now, in addition to miracle knives and magical stain removers, religion-based products are being hawked.

Kader Khan is peddling ‘Allah ke darwaaze ka aks’ while Smriti Irani extols the virtues of ‘ShreeYantra’, invoking Ram, Sita and a host of other Hindu gods. Health, peace and happiness for just Rs 1999/- (posting and handling extra). All major credit cards accepted.

Mirza Ghalib, the greatest of all Urdu poet sums up the thing about faith in the following lines :

तेरे कूचे का है माईल दिल मुज़्तर मेरा
काबा इक और सही किब्लानुमां और सही
[कूचे = lane, माईल = obliged, मुज़्तर = restless, काबा = house of Allah in Mecca, किब्लानुमां = direction for prayer]

So, even when we all know that Qibla isn't the only direction where God may be sought, we all seek the direction nonetheless. And marketing can't be blamed, they'll use all notions that people have/talk about, believe in/criticize. We're all born 6 pounds before we become beings who gain 6 pounds per week.

It won't be long before faith based brands launch their secular versions as well. Another way to look at this phenomenon is the premium that politically-aware products have historically commanded. Environmentalist pay more for green-friendly products and bleeding hearts buy expensive shirts not made at "sweatshops" and health concious people burn their pockets buying organic food.

The newest niche market are economically empowered religious folks, who due to the current political climate around the world, are assertive about wearing their reliousity on their sleeve. For capitalists this is God-sent. (also available in Allah-sent and Bhagwan-sent flavors).

What our sadhus/saints (most) do is exploit the deep seated faith of people to get the best of lifestyle and money flowing from themselves. The marketers creating faith brands are very much the same except that they are more honest about their deeds.

I believe that a smart doctor in the US is now peddling the Jesus diet! Yeah, eat what He ate and lead a happy life. Apparently he chanced upon the idea after noticing the rise in obesity among young Americans, and decided that this diet was the only cure.

Out here in Tamil Nadu, religion's a truly big business. So many magazines, so many mutths, so many swamijis and sanyasinis...it's pretty big. But unlike the instances mentioned, the believers' market here is highly segmented. So a Sai Baba book or tape will not find favour among non-Sai devotees.

Faith does sell. But this we see as "the other". Most products sell to a very Euro/US centric, Christian market anyway. It's diversity in product, and religion is a way of life - So more than being a cash cow - I guess it's about supply and demand. Market mechanics at work, and as all good market mechanics go - they drive towards creating more demand.

Fad or otherwise, atleast they are bothering to understand their markets. Though I think trinkets (Aimed at the spiritual and healing market) is different from niche markets like mobile phones. What eats me is that it could possibly mean more stereotyping.. hhmm...

The truth of the matter seems to be that ghettoisation sells. As we move into a more fractious and polarised society, marketing is bound to get more target specific. That is not necessarily a new thing. Marketing has always, in order for the tail to wag the dog, artificially created new demands in niche markets to sell products. This is just an extension of that.

The problem lies not more in the sociological reasons that allow target fragments to be exploited by cynical marketers. From colas to Islamic Banking, marketers are actively enouraging this fragmentation so that they can mint money. This can potentially lead to dangerous situations. What happens if someone accidentally knocks over a bottle of Mecca Cola with his feet? What's the guarantee that someone will not consider this an insult to Islam? Similarly what will stop a rabid RSS guy from accusing someone of using the "pure" Ganga soap to wash unmentionable body parts? Or what happens if someone spots an HSBC employee having pork chops for dinner?

These maybe far out examples, but will the marketers take responsibility then for the potential fallouts? Where does business bend and responsibility begin? As long as there are gullible people out there, some smart-ass will make money out of their ignorance by selling them 'peace' and 'happiness'.

I have tremndous respect and admiration for all entrepreneurs who cash in on religion. I think they are really smart and gutsy folks. They have manged to see through the oddities of life and look at religion for what it really is - a cash cow.

As you might note from the rather formal tone of this piece, it was not written as a blogpost. Was felt to be potentially controversial, hence sees light of day here instead!

P.S. I am not for or against faith-based products - simply a keen observer of trends. 

Manjunathan - Soldier of Conscience

There are people who live for their jobs. And a few, very few who die for them. In the latter category you generally think of a soldier. Dying to protect the Motherland. Yes, we have plenty of those, making the 'ultimate sacrifice' to protect our borders.

But Manjunathan was no soldier, he was a sales officer with Indian Oil Corporation. He did not join this company pre-warned about any mortal danger. And yet, for merely doing his job, he paid with his life.

The 27 year old IIM Lucknow graduate was murdered in UP on November 20, 2005. According to the first report on the matter, which appeared in the Lucknow edition of the Indian Express, Nathan had sealed Mittal Automobile Petrol Pump at Gola, about 50 km away from Lakhimpur district for adulteration of petrol.

He had also recommended cancellation of the petrol pump’s licence, said an IOC officer, speaking on condition of anonymity.

The Consequences
"Manju was murdered for doing his job honestly. Considering the circumstances, this case is no different from that of Satyendra Dubey".

Except that this news did not stir the nation's conscience. It appeared on page 12 of  TOI, Mumbai edition. And was reported on the CNBC ticker. Ironically, the same ticker reported that Captain Satish Sharma has been let off by the CBI in the petrol pump allotment scam.

Were the cases against Sharma dropped for lack of evidence? Um, not exactly. PTI reports: After hearing two days of arguments, Special Judge Pratibha Rani accepted the closure report filed by the agency which said it was willing to wind up the cases against Sharma as the Home Ministry refused sanction for his prosecution.

The order came even as a PIL was pending in the Supreme Court against the Centre's refusal to grant sanction of prosecution on which the apex court had issued notices to Sharma, CBI and the Union Government.

The colour of money is black. So is petrol...Yahaan koi dudh ka dhula hua nahin hai. More recently, the NDA government was rocked by a similar petrol pump allotment scam.

Politicians come and go, but the Oil PSUs - the so called 'navratnas' - remain under the changul of the netas. I mean yes, they do have professional management but these professional managers - like IAS officers - are expected to function within certain boundaries.

Cross the line and well, you can see what happened to Manjunathan.

Of course, you might argue, Manju was not knocked off by the government. But those who perpetrated the crime did so to protect their 'basic right' to adulterate petrol. Their line of thought: Bhai sab karte hain... Itne saalon se kisi ne roka nahi - yeh launda kahaan se aa gaya?

The conversation from the last press meeting with Manju, a year and a half ago: We asked him how it felt to work in a PSU like IOCL. ... He shrugged. He said work was OK and all, but he felt that the business would improve a lot more if there was transparency. Apparently, part of his job was to inspect samples from petrol pumps, and report back to the company.

Well, adulteration was rampant and here is why: Manju said the reason why this adulteration happened so brazenly was that the dealers knew that no matter what happens, their licenses couldn't be cancelled. If everyone does it, how many pumps will the company shut down?

He said he usually tried to cajole, convince and scold the dealers to not indulge in such dishonesty. He said some fell in line, but most of them usually got back to the same old adulteration business. In fact Manju said, some of the petrol pump owners are downright scary.

But even he could not have imagined such an outcome. I mean, people like you and me don't consider violence as a means of settling a dispute. In UP and Bihar, it must be common enough for someone to believe he could kill an IOC officer and get away with it.

It was, in fact, pure luck that the vehicle in which the murderers were transporting the body was intercepted by the police. They had broken the signal and were speeding. Else who knows in which river or ravine the body would have ended up? And no one would be the wiser.

Aakhir kyun?
The cynical have observed that 'discretion is the better part of valour' and that Manju had no business trying to 'change the world' in the first place. Again, I would like to point out that Manjunathan did not decide to be an activist or crusader. He was merely doing his job.

As friend and classmate Sharad notes : "He received some threats from the Petrol pump owner and bribe offers too, but he refused to change his assessment".

Ho sakta hai soon enough Manju himself would have thrown up his hands and say "I quit!". I'm sure there would be no dearth of jobs - Reliance, for example would have quickly snapped him up.

The fact is, Manjunathan stuck on at IOC for 2.5 years after graduating from IIM-L. Despite his integrity being constantly tested. Despite being posted in UP. And that says something about the "IIM stereotype" that exists in most people's heads.

As another of his friends wrote : Manju was known to the entire batch as an awesome singer (especially for a song he used to sing with Badri aka Bhoja called Rama ho... ), with a natural feel for music and could light up your day by his presence.

That light has been snuffed. That voice has been silenced. But what he stood for - and stood upto - that, I hope will live on.

Widespread media coverage - yes of course! Let's work for that, lobby for it. But beyond the moment, I would like to see a lasting impact. For example, a case which is actually taught at the B schools.
A man who stood up firmly against corruption has been murdered brutally and it should be seen as such. This is not a matter of IIMs or IIT graduates working with PSU's . The issue would still have been relevant even if he had his education in some obscure arts and science college in an unheard-of corner in the country.

Manjunathan's death reminds me of a song in an old Malayalam movie Oru thulli chorayil ninnum orayiram peruyarunnu.. Uyarunnu , avar nadin mochana rananganathil poruthunnu'. I am poor at translation yet it would be like this..

From each drop of blood awakened, a thousand men.
They rise from their sleep,
And fight in the bloodstained war-field
For liberating their nation'

Let's hope millions of people of this country would rise from Manjunathan's blood.Lets hope so.


Because we all speak of 'ethics' in business. But it's a rare and extraordinary person who makes the 'ultimate sacrifice'. A sacrifice that - like that of our soldiers on a border we can't get a fix on after 62 years - simply might go in vain.

Career cop-out

"Mumbai girls are more adventurous than boys in their choice of career..." reports this morning's Times of India.

A survey of 1800 students aged 15 to 18 found that 61% of female students (vs 39% of guys) favoured offbeat 'careers' that included vocations like dog training, tattoo artistry, paragliding, sleuthing and teaching yoga.

Sounds more like luxury, than adventure to me. When a girl says, "Dad I want to study Philosophy" or "Mom, I want to become a dog trainer" here are the two likely scenarios:

a) OK, dear - whatever it is that makes you happy
b) We thought you could do better than that but OK, dear - whatever it is that makes you happy

The sentence left unsaid after that:"Theek hai, baad mein shaadi hi to karni hai".

Given the times, most parents would like their daughters to have some skill or ability to be financially independent - if need be. But very few actually push and prod the girls into gruelling careers.

In fact, some - of the Old School - are secretly relieved: "Zyaada padh-likh kar kya karna hai?"

Take the same dilemma when raised by the opposite sex. When a guy says, "Dad I want to study Philosophy" or "Mom, I want to become a dog trainer" here are the likely scenarios:

a) OK dear - whatever it is that makes you happy ... (the rare, 'enlightened' response - usually from parents with sufficiently large bank balances).

b) We thought you could do better than that... AND WE INSIST THAT YOU DO!!! ... (reaction you can expect from the majority.)

The sentence left unsaid after that: "Remember, you are the man, the Provider!!"

Actually it usually doesn't even come to that - most guys naturally gravitate towards careers where there is money and power. They are more risk averse simply because the chances of finding a career-minded woman who is going to support them while they paint or sing for pocket money are low.

And, let's face it, the idea itself is unacceptable to the average Male Ego. Of course, neither is the average Female keen on a house-husband.

So the Old Roles are modified a bit, but not that changed. essentially! And honestly - barring a few unconventional equations here and there - I'm not sure that they ever truly will...

Hmmm.. another facet to the situation is that in the North, girls are still viewed as 'liabilities' who will 'drain' your cashflow in about 18-24 years. Expect no rewards from rearing a girl child. So, if you are a middle-aged 'conservative' (read: egoistic chauvinistic male example of pomposity), living in an upscale South Delhi locality, holding down a job in a Multinational Bank who (thankfully) doesnt tell you what your social responsibilities are, and your one daughter, whom you were forced by the societal pressures to send to Lady Hardinge College, was influenced by the stupid new waves of independence, esoteric career choices, and flights of fancy about intelligent decisions, you are stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Because nobody better than Bhajan Lal can tell you that women are good as cardboard cut-outs during Elections standing in for their husbands in jail, or for making hot rotis in the medieval kitchens.

And supporting children on careers are a wild goose chase supplemented by a loss of hard-earned money that would have gone a long way in making your son an MBA and getting a fat dowry to assure you of a prosperous retirement.

Don't know what hit my head stronger.. the fact that 'ladkiyon ko shaadi hi to karni hai', aur 'ladkon ko ghar chalane ke liye paise kamana hai'

If today a boy joins NIFT or something similar, eyes start staring at him... with one question: where will the money come from,when u get married and then, when i think about myself, i guess i would be too egoistic to marry someone better off than myself. guess that would be a major concern for me that my spouse is equal, but definitely not better off than me. Now it makes me think.. hmm..

...let's face it, the idea itself is unacceptable to the average Male Ego.

Just yesterday, I was telling a friend of mine about Amitabh-Jaya starrer "Abhiman", which depicts a strong successful man unable to come to terms with the fact that his wife had a much superior talent and hence was in much greater demand.

Much has changed in the thirty or so years since "Abhiman" was released. If today's women think that their spouses/boyfriends will not be able to handle their success, then the women have a lot of thinking to do and not vice versa. But still it will take generations and generations to accept the role-change.

Most of the times the guy and the girl are completely comfortable with each other's choices, it's the generation before them who fails to comprehend it. Since we cannot disappoint them or displease them, we try to appease them, cause at an age like that very rarely will they see and agree to our point of conviction.

Again very few do agree with us but they are so few that you can count them on fingers.!!

The 'One' thing

Since the debate refuses to abate, here are my thoughts.  

In the beginning
God - whichever one you believe in - created a virus in the image of man. And woman. Now the trick to spreading the virus quickly and effectively was to have it replicate on its own.

So He invented sex. Yes, I will refer to God as 'He' because I think our Creator must have been a guy. Had it been a woman, certainly She would've given all of us periods annually - not every month!

But you see, God's primary motive in adding the sex angle was not pleasure but reproduction. The fact that it was pleasurable, of course, offered the incentive to undertake the activity.

As an added safety feature, to ensure perpetuation of his invention, God gave man a reproductive organ with a mind of its own. One that did not always and necessarily obey the commands from the High Command.

This hardwiring has complicated life for Modern Day Man. Say you meet a nice girl, and there is a mutual attraction. The High Command says, Wait! Take it easy. Get to know her. Be a gentleman.

But whether He likes it or not, the 'reproduce' circuit is also switched on and it sends really powerful signals...

Doesn't this also happen to women? Well, some believe it did in the Caveman era, but centuries of social conditioning, Mills & Boon novels and mushy films have had their evil effect. Although it looks like God wired us differently to begin with.

First of all, since women were the ones stuck with the unwanted side-effect ("badhaai ho, aap maa banne waali hain") they were bound to be much more cautious and see a big red "Stop" sign.

Advances in birth control have partially taken care of that factor, but it goes deeper.

Why Viagra doesn't work
The latest on the subject is that after eight years of tests involving 3,000 women, Pfizer, the company behind Viagra, has abandoned efforts to prove that the drug works for females too.

"It is the confirmation that men have long dreaded. Scientists have concluded that women achieve most sexual satisfaction through the stimulation of their brain and not any other organ...."

An excerpt of one report on the same issue:
Exhaustive research has concluded that men and women have a fundamentally different relationship between arousal and desire. A women's arousal is triggered by a network of emotional, intellectual and relationship-based factors rather than the simple physical response required by a man.

While a man's arousal almost always led to a desire for sex, there was no such obvious corresponding factor with women.... Men consistently get erections in the presence of naked women and want to have sex. With women, things depend on a myriad of factors."

In early trials where women were dosed with Viagra while watching erotic videos, the drug appeared to work. But further studies found that even though Viagra induced a greater pelvic blood flow, the women did not feel substantially more aroused. Therefore, Pfizer is now concentrating on finding drugs that affect a woman's brain chemistry.

The fact that the earth only moves for women if they think it does comes as no surprise to many leading female sexologists.

It has long been held in these circles that a women has an emotional libido . The only surprise has been that it has taken many hours of research and thousands of pounds to conclude something that is blindingly obvious...

That's why the whole porn industry is geared towards men and the romance industry towards women! As the old saying goes: girls use sex to get love, and guys use love to get sex.

'The One Thing'
So getting back to my original comment, the point is that a girl needs affection, understanding and emotion - after which sex may follow.

However, many girls have a physical relationship hoping to get their core needs fulfilled later. Only to find that doesn't always happen. And when it doesn't, it's extremely hurtful and demeaning.

Because the guy may actually just be scratching his reproductive itch, and have no emotions for her to begin with.

Now you may argue that sex will lead to an emotional bonding. Possible, but dicey. Guys do have a concept of women who they will sleep around or 'have fun' with, and women who 'mean more'. Women for whom they feel something in their brains and not just in their briefs.

Even in more 'liberated' countries, the casual and meaningless sexual encounter may be common but not necessarily fulfilling for the woman. A recent report from the UK reveals that despite the fact that both men and women experience their first intercourse at age 16, there remain gender differences in the experience of the event.

Women are twice as likely as men to regret their first experience of intercourse and three times as likely to report being the less willing partner.

Something to keep in mind before you make your decision...

And finally...
That brings me back to my original bit of advice for females: Make sure your boyfriend respects you and loves you for who you are, not just how you look.

And if I ever have a son I will tell him the same, although in a slightly different way: Make sure your girlfriend is someone you would feel proud enough to bring home and introduce to me.

Someone who makes you feel good - and feels good.
 
The latest research says that men have different sections in the brain for love and lust and women, think about this one-romantic love may not mean great sex. In fact, true love may mean no lust for the man, while scorching sex may have nothing to do with love at all. So the next time your man romances you-think true love, but the next time he tries to get some-it may not be a natural expression of true love! The man who is capable of great sex may not be the greatest love of your life. Poof! For generations scientists have studied the colours of human mating, the hiss and swagger that precede sexual interest, the clandestine courtship phase, the public display. They've left the private experience of falling in love and the different ways that man and woman fall in love and react in love, for analysis by others-mostly to poets.

We know there's an inborn human urge to mate, after all. Love remains a mystery, a promise and an arrow from Cupid's bow, which sometimes tantalizingly and sometimes painfully misses its mark.  

Boys mature later than girls and therefore do not have the emotional complexity required for such relatioinships. In fact, I don't think boys ever mature enough at all, and this is a part of the built in evolutionary mechanism. This is seen in many organisms, and especially in mammals. The purpose of the male of the species is to inseminate as many females as possible. Therefore, emotional attachment to any one female will hinder his chances of propogating his own genes as much as possible. The female on the other hand, finds the male that inseminates the other females most desireable, as this male has some sort of reproductive advantage or the other, and therefore is not at a loss if the female has an emotional attachment.

Actually, I think it is in the brain, because the female 'chooses' the male, in a manner that she gets the best children, so that her genes are propogated. If she chooses the alpha male of the tribe say, then there are less chances of the kids getting killed by a rival male. Also, the fittest genes gets passed on.While this kind of alpha male - and female harem system still exists in a few places, mostly human society thinks that a monogamous society is better for "human" and "moral" values and the general well being of the society, and now every male can find one female to inseminate (thankfully there are not too many proponents of eugenics), BUT the evolutionary mechanism hasn't passed in males.

There is some research going on that the male is injected with substances that makes him more likely to be a doting husband and father. Basically, an injection like viagra, that feminises a guy...

I guess we are all animals, no matter how much we talk about complex emotions and stuff, and God would have made it all simpler if he'd really made us in the first place. First of all, he could have made ONE gender that could inseminate any other or themselves (clonal propagation). someone should research into making this possible...

Till the middle half of the last century victorian modesty was predominant. Now women are getting more and more liberal , specially in western societies and they have come out of the closet sexually as well. Women go to great lengths to make themselves "sexy" (modesty , what ?). Not just in the nightlife but even at work women dress as revealingly as possible without messing with the law. You might object that they are "using sex to get love". There are many counterarguments to this one of the strong ones being spring breaks and females here. Everyone knows what they are for students here... uninhibited sex and booze and party on the beach. Guess what ! there are equal number of females reveling there.

I think there is a big difference in eastern and western thought regarding female sexual attitudes. In India its still pretty much taboo (notwithstanding those racy hollywood dances) and there needs to be a lot of unconditioning before you can actually get to the real feeling/instincts..I would say if girls read MB's and get their libido satisfied then thats porn for them.. For guys MB's dont do it.. and they need explicit images or videos..Regarding guys having the concept of "sleeping around" and "girls who mean more"... its totally correct but then the question is how many guys actually act on the "sleeping around" concept, or even if some decide to act on it how many of them are actually successful and how often.

My observation is, the good looking guys have tons of girls going after them and these girls have a silly belief that they would actually find the true love after they get him. This guy (if he's player) will play around with infinite chicks and finally settle down with one.. and there will be 50 girls who end up butter about men in the whole process. "men are pigs" stereotype.. and at the same time, the rest of the men are fighting to get some action, and their best bet is to fall in love or "arranged marriage" because i doubt they will get a one night stand.. So there you go.. (this is the time when I feel communism is a way to go, equal sharing of resources is the need :-) )

One observation though: for a guy its harder to get out of a messy breakup than it is for a girl.. Guys do crazy things after wards while girls most of times manage much better... wonder why?? and another thing, even girls are extremely shallow in their thinking. Go through some of the postings on dating sites.. they are hilarious..
I mean does she have a concept of reality!! I doubt that if some such person exists.. who has all those attributes..and "loves her like her father" what does that mean anyways?

Here's an example:
" I am a layed back cool girl/woman. I have infinate patience, a sexual being, and am a very soulful and passionate person. I appreciate beauty in every form, and I am honest and trustworthy. I love laughter and that exciting feeling I get from making eye contact with the right person as sparks fly, and that warm fuzzy feeling from skin on skin holding each other later. I am not hard to please or demanding, and I will bend over backwards for those who show me respect. I am a very silly person and I get along with almost any type of person. I am a musical being, it is the language I speak most clearly and dearly. I am looking for someone humble, who has no idea how great he is, who is unique & creative & has passion, & a drive to succeed. Someone who is tender and kind. Someone who is capable of loving me more than himself (which should be reciprocated of course). Someone who respects and cherishes me. Someone who listens, and who'll tell me the truth when I need to hear it. Someone who cares greatly & who has good judgement. Someone who has alot to share with me. Someone who I can trust and who is honest. Someone who makes me feel like I'm floating when I'm with him. Someone who can love & tolerate me and my friends' relationships, which can be silly at times. Someone patient. Someone who'll play with my hair & kisses my neck in the right spot:) Someone who knows their boundaries. Someone who'll know what giving is. Someone who finds nothing wrong with treating me like a godess, but who is not posessive (also reciprocated). Someone who has a unique sexiness. someone who is good in bed :) Someone who is sensitive but not too sensitive. Someone who makes me smile, not unlike a giddy schoolgirl. Someone who'll love me as much as my father does. Someone independant and determined. Someone who won't break my heart. Someone who can appreciate my quirks (don't worry, nothing too bad)."

That's a post with a lot to satisfy the intellect. Yes all that you have written is what the research says. But you know what the problem is? We start intellectualizing things too much.

Its about sex? Is it? Is it about being frank in talking things to your children?

We have all grown up with analysis and that's what we are giving the kids. Many a times what positions love is this analysis and intellectualizing. These are small things you know when you talk about love what is freedom what is individuality what is space? Its like going to God and asking for peanuts. The problem is when you start talking about love you lose love and you get into an endless domain of thoughts. You follow one and you get into another one and it goes on and on, and when it becomes too much you find yourself in a disturbed state, you take sleeping pills and at one point of time you think of committing suicide. That's the biggest tragedy. That may be an extreme but the current generation has felt it more than the elderly have. The reason? too much of  intellectualizing which only takes one away from love. Love is not about saying and talking and thinking those are the results. . . Its about feeling. Love can only be felt and can not be defined can not be expressed. It has to have some more attributes but I think that would be too much. About sex, yes the only purpose is reproduction. The moment you put your faculties in its right use all questions of morals and ethics disappear.

Problem with the modern day beings is that they want too much of everything, I buy a car and I end up driving 3000 kilometers in a month . . why? because of the thrill driving gives me . . That's the problem with everything, we feel attracted and we follow attraction to limits, we have forgotten conservation and this has been happening for ages. Every generation is more addicted to pleasure and happiness you know than its previous generation and thats what corruption is. We are corrupt, all of us and thats what we are passing to the next generation . . generation after generation.

Sorry for the long comments, always get carried away with this topic :-) All those feelings about feminism and what not, and believe me I am not against women.

Case closed. 

What's love got to do with it ?

"So, when are you having another baby?" is a question often asked to one of my colleagues. He is pestered often on this issue by his relatives and he feels free to come and discuss his personal issues in the office. So many a buddies in the office don't leave any chance to pull his leg. The reason he is told to have one more is - "children need a companion".

Looking at the Anil-Mukesh saga - and hundreds of similar sagas among lesser mortals all around us - I have to say, there is simply NO guarantee that you and your sibling are going to get along for life.

So having extra kids just to give the first one a 'friend' is, I think, not a good enough reason. Not anymore.

Zamaana badal gaya
"Things fall apart," wrote the novelist Chinua Achebe. "The centre cannot hold..." And that describes - exactly - what is happening to the whole concept of family. In India and the world over.

The "centre" was based on two principles:
a) Zaroorat - or need
b) Farz - or duty

In the caveman era, we hunted and lived in packs - it was a matter of basic needs: security, survival.

In time, religion brought in values like "Honor thy Father" (every faith has its own version - but similar in spirit).

So that was farz - or duty - which bound us to each other. Although one had to sacrifice some amount of individuality on the altar of farz, in return you gained an identity and some amount of social security (the family/ community would always be there for you).

And what about love, you might ask. Isn't love what really keeps families together? To which I must say - love is a factor. But minus farz and zaroorat it's just not sticky enough.

Hum saath saath kyun rahein?
That's a question families across India have been asking over the last couple of decades. The answer is - we don't have to.

In fact contrary to what Kyunki Saas may depict, the modern day mother-in-law is often quite clear that SHE would rather not stay with son and bahu.

Tum apni zindagi jeeyo, hum apni - I've heard more than one aunt say. In good humour on the surface, but deadly serious really!

On the other hand, some bahus (esp working women) choose to live with their in-laws reasoning it will be good for their kids. So again, that's zaroorat kicking in.

Paise ki maaya
Income levels have everything to do with it. Money can't buy you love, sang the Beatles but what's clear is it can certainly create a lot of acrimony where love once existed.

There's a general pattern to family break-ups:
a) Poor-to-Rich phase: Your extended family is an asset. You have nothing else, so your gain your wellbeing from your relationships.

b) Rich-to-Things Fall Apart phase: Brothers who once ate sukhi roti from the same thaali, lubricated by the ghee of filial love, now eat rasmalai in fine china plates.
But one starts feeling the other's plate is fancier. Or rasmalai sweeter. Spouses too play a role here ...

Now often brothers will live and work together for years, despite these feelings. But once the patriarch of the family passes away - things fall apart. Farz - or duty - is no more.

Then, comes the question of zaroorat Do we really NEED each other - or can we manage our lives/ business quite well alone, thank you?

In the Anil-Mukesh saga the feeling of zaroorat pretty much evaporated. Which is why it became impossible for them to co-exist.

c) Separate-but-Social phase: We meet, we smile - at birthdays and weddings. But - in most cases - it's never ever going to be one big happy family. Except in faded photographs.

The love and togetherness the brothers/sisters once shared living in a cramped 3 room house didn't survive the tectonic shift to a two storeyed mansion.

Things have fallen so apart that certain people don't even talk to certain other people.

Pyaar kiya to kya..
So that's the extended family bit. But even with the nuclear family, it's more often zaroorat and farz which keeps things together.

If you go in for an arranged marriage - love in any case, you hope, follows the event. Or is born out of it.

And if you have a love marriage, 5 years down the line what keeps many couples together is the joint 'projects' - your kids, your mortgage, your status in society.

And I'm not saying that is a BAD thing as long as if not love, there is at least 'like a lot' in the picture...

When we talk of commitment - what is it but farz anyways? Partly imposed by society, and partly a value we choose to commit ourselves to. While "love" at the end of the day is a zaroorat... A basic human need.

But the need for space - and individuality - is becoming more and more important. And these needs are at odds with 'love'. And a million mutinies are born everyday...

The Great Indian Laughter Challenge

It is a lot harder to make people laugh than to make them cry. But after years of success at the latter - thanks to the saas bahu series of soap sagas - Indian television is finally attempting to tickle our funny bones.

Ironically, the first memorable show on Indian TV was way back in 1983 a sitcom - Kundan Shah's Yeh jo hai zindagi. It is an all time classic. But nothing quite lived upto that for the next two decades.

Indian television comedies were pretty much 'lowest common denominator' - loud and slapstick. 'Hum Paanch' was maybe, slightly tolerable, only because of characters like Kaajal bhai and the dead wife on the wall (Priya Tendulkar) were imaginative (relatively speaking).

But, then the drought finally ended. With 'Sarabhai vs Sarabhai' Star One finally had a winner.

Saaru chhe
Sarabhai had all the elements necessary for a good sitcom -
1) A small but clearly defined cast of characters (like Rosesh the duffer son who wrote insufferable poetry)
2) An inherent - and exaggerated - clash of values producing comic situations (the sophisticated saas vs the middle class bahu).
3) Great acting (not just the big names like Ratna Pathak Shah, Satish Shah - everyone played their parts well!)
4) Great scripts and dialogue
5) Consistency

Sarabhai was (very loosely) inspired by Dharma and Greg but had a life and locus of quite its own. The same team (Jamnadas Majethia & Aatish Kapadia) also wrote, produced and directed another weekly sitcom - Instant Khichdi.

Khichdi started life on Star Plus and was later migrated to Star One. In the process the Gujarati family whose antics the show features also suddenly became crorepatis looking for new - and hilarious - ways and means to spend their money.

Instant Khichdi was also entertaining but of late the Praful-Hansa PJs lost their zing. Sarabhai was more sophisticated - and relied less on physical comedy - and hence got the vote as India's no 1 television sitcom.

Talent galore
What's more, the Great Indian Laughter Challenge - also aired on Star One - was on a hunt for India's "hasi ka baadsha". And was definitely worth a watch. Many a times the audience was struck by the originality and style of many baadshahs who were so good that the judges and audience had to declare a tie.

While some contestants merely related jokes - although with considerable chutzpah - the two who made it to the last round were stand up comics in the true sense. They used their own accents/ background/ world around them to create a very unique and personal brand of humour.

The Hyderabadi chap used his Hyderabadiness to great effect. His song 'Usne Paaya Khaaya' (usne including Bill Kalinton, Mrs Kalinton, Pervez Musharraf, Adnan Sami, and even Saddam Hussein) was absolutely hilarious. But hilarious while making a larger point - which is what the best humour was about.

Deepak Raja from Jalandhar put his own mama, chacha, foofas and taayas to good use while scripting his routine. The fact that he was dressed in an abonimable pink suit teamed with a flowery shirt didn't matter at all. What he said and the way he said it was so ... funny!

India has a long tradition of haasya kavi sammelans where little known and well known poets gathered. These kavis wrought out humour from everyday Indian life - some of it, truly priceless.

These kavis - and other homegrown talents like Deepak and his Hyderabadi counterpart - are the ones who will really raise the standards of humour in India.

And by the way, will someone PLEASE give Navjot Singh Sidhu his own show. Whatever you may feel about his cricket commentary (in English) Sidhu is amazing in Hindi. Witty AND insightful. As a judge on the 'Laughter Challenge' he laughed easily and loudly. A man jiske dil mein koi gile shikve nahin they. Shekhar Suman on the other hand was stiff and 'professional'. Plus he wore dark glasses - on air!

Yeh tha attitude
Shekhar Suman: Sidhuji bataiye, jab log Sardaron ke baare mein jokes sunaate hain, aapko kabhi bura toh nahin lagta

Sidhu: Kabhi nahin! Chaand ke upar agar koi thooke toh kya use daag lag sakta hai??!! 

If more of us believed that - instead of taking 'offence' easily when the joke's on us - the world would resound more often with laughter.

Changing the world - starting with yourself

I hesitate to use the word 'hero' to describe the influence any person has had on my life because heroes - inevitably - let you down. Suffice it to say that of the many public figures with wide and varied achievements one can possibly look upto.

 I read 'Odyssey: From Pepsi to Apple' and that one line jobs used to persuade Sculley to join him has stuck with me ever since. 'Do you want to sell sugared water for the rest of your life - or, do you want a chance to change the world?' Not 'changing the world' in the literal sense but what I think Jobs really meant was you must look for passion - and meaning - in what you choose to do as 'work'.

Connect your dots
In his speech, Steve Jobs tells three 'stories'. The first is 'connect your dots'. Where he explains how a calligraphy course he took after officially dropping out of college had a profound impact on his future - and ours.

None of this (calligraphy) had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, it's likely that no personal computer would have them.

Imagine that! Everything you do - in the end - was somehow meant to be. It may not be immediately or practically applicable. It may do nothing for your CV at this moment. But you are the sum total of all your life experiences combined with your inherent talents. Which is why - like I said earlier - we all need to add some zig to our zag.

So, have those 'irrelevant' experiences. Pursue 'useless' interests. Because you never know where those dots may lead you.

As Jobs says: You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

The Second Coming
Elsewhere in his speech Jobs talks about how 'getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to him.' It forced him to reinvent himself - freed him to enter one of the most creative periods of his life.

Both the companies he started - Pixar and Next led to their own revolutions. Pixar became the pioneer in animated movie-making while Next was bought out by Apple. And the technology developed at Next ultimately led to the rebirth of Apple with the iPod.

Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. ... If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle.

Even if the great Indian mantra is beta, settle down :)
Live each day as if ...
The third 'story' Jobs shared was about death. A few months ago, doctors told him he had merely months to live. Turns out he had a rare - and curable - form of pancreatic cancer. So the death sentence was repealed.

But, he says once more the point hit home: Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life... Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

As a tidal wave of students in India pass out of class 10 and 12 and with bachelor's degrees - that's what they really need to sit still and listen to. Their own inner voice.

Jobs signs off with 'Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish'. You may not want to take that literally - but everything else he said you certainly should!

Kya School Hain Hum !

Admissions for children at school these days - First day at school or last day of childhood ? The parents have a heart heavier than the new, big schoolbags as they see their kids off at the bus stop. Playschool, nursery, kindergarten - those are mere preparation for separation. Class One is the rough, rigorous, Real Thing.

Twenty odd workbooks, textbooks, notebooks. Parents sit covering them in regulation brown paper, although they have become a lot more colourful and child-friendly than the schoolbooks they remember. Still... the books seem like way too many, especially to carry back and forth.

Not long ago, CBSE asked the 6000 schools across the country following its syllabus to reduce the school bag burden. "Schools should also not set any homework for students of classes I and II," CBSE Director (Academics) G Subramanian said in a circular.

Some schools are making provisions for lockers. Most aren't. What's most frustrating is what parents feel on such issues  You may be a 'consumer' of education, paying a pretty hefty fee, but the general attitude of schools is 'take it or leave it.'

No doubt the school cannot satisfy every pushy parent but the more fundamental issue is about balance of power. That lies squarely with the educators. I wonder whether it's partly to compensate for the fact that teachers - even principals - are one of the lowest-paid professionals in society.

There are times when I swear I can hear the teacher thinking, "Hey, Doctor/ Manager/ IAS officer... idhar sab ek samaan. Here, you gotta dance to my tunes."
I'm sure children will learn to live with the system - like I did. And millions of other kids have. But is the objective of schooling to merely survive, or to thrive? Wish someone had the answers... or at least started asking the question!

Kabhi khushi, Kabhi birthday

Hum bhi agar bachche hote
Hum bhi agar bachche hote
Naam hamara hota Taplu Paplu
Khaane ko milte laddoo
Aur duniya kehti
"Happy Birthday to you"

There is a time in life when you live for your next birthday. Children are always in that mode. They get excited about their 'big day', which may be many months away!

This 'I-wish-I -could-grow-up-as-soon-as-possible' phase generally lasts till you're 16, or 18, or 21 - depending on whether you find being grown up a pleasant role or unpleasant responsibility. At the very outer limit, most people enjoy and look forward to their birthday until they turn 25.

After that comes a phase from 25-30 in which every advancing year brings with it a sense of foreboding. The latest teen pop sensation or upset winner at Wimbledon is a full decade younger... And where are you??

You start getting those cheeky cards reminding you to forget about your advancing age. Opticians and acquaintances on social networks remember your birthday while your childhood friends - now living continents away- suffer from amnesia.

You don't feel like celebrating really - what is there to be happy about? But a bunch of people will call to wish you and there has to be an answer to the question: "So what's the plan for the big day?"

Finally, the 'worm turns' when you actually hit 30. You realise things are not so bad after all. In fact, you have less pimples than you did at 16 - and now have the means to undergo expensive 'skin glow' treatments, if that is still a bother.

Taking a leaf from Karan Johar's book I'd say "it's all about loving yourself". And for me at least that happened after the big Three O. The feeling of being comfortable in my own skin. Of being able to trust my own instincts. Of listening to what others have to say but not being bound by their approval.

Would not trade that to be 'sweet (and confused) 16 again'!