Munni badnaam hui, darling tere liye, Main Zandu balm huyi, darling tere liye

Favourite taunt of Pakistani politicians!
Islamabad: Now " Munni badnam hui" has found a place in the political circles of Pakistan with politicians from leading parties using the hit Bollywood item song to take a swipe at one another.

Speaking at a party function a couple of days ago, the ruling Pakistan Peoples Party (PPP) leader Imtiaz Safdar Warraich said: "We are being blamed for the wrong doings of others." In an obvious dig at the opposition, Pakistan Muslim League-N (PML-N), he said: "Our situation is such that we can only say, 'Munni badnam hui darling tere liye'."

Pakistan's Punjab province Law Minister and PML-N stalwart Rana Sanaullah was quick to latch on to the opportunity. "What a pity that the PPP leader has termed the entire party as Munni," he said, adding that "this Munni is not getting a bad name because of darling but because of her own actions".

This is the latest reflection of the popularity of the Bollywood song picturised on Malaika Arora in the movie " Dabangg".

There's a play called "Munni Badnam Hui" that's being used to spice up TV scripts and wedding revellers are dancing feverishly to its tune.

The song has become a rage in Pakistan. In fact, Malaika has almost become a household name in Pakistan after the song composed by Lalit Pandit.

No wedding or function is considered complete without the song. It also blares from audio systems in cars and music shops while FM radio stations are swarmed with requests to play the song.

However, the song has created problems for the real life Munnis in the country. Munni, a mother of two from Lahore, has been harassed so much that she has shut her small shop. "Every now and then someone will come to my store and say 'Munni badnam hui darling tere liye' in front of my customers. First, I didn't pay much attention and tried to ignore it, but then it became a routine event and I started to get irritated, Even sober and reserved people have sung this song loudly while passing by my store. I have scolded many of them but they just laugh and run away. Finally, I couldn't take this behaviour anymore and closed my shop for several days. Munni said.

This Munni is not the only one to face problems. Shahida Munni, principal of a school in Lahore, had been given the nickname Munni by her family and friends. "While walking in my neighbourhood, I am always scared that someone will start to sing the song. Most of the time my fears become reality as many boys either sing the song loudly or play it on the stereo!" Shahida said.

Sometime back I got chatting with an ex-colleague who thought that the recent hit number "munni badnam hui darling tere leeye" was a rather cheap number. Just to divert a little from the topic. As one of my friends had earlier pointed out, the original from which munni badnam hui has been copied is "Launda, badnam ho GAI naseeban tere liye" and NOT "Launda badnam ho GAYA..." as mentioned in the press. It is "Naseeban"(girl) addressing the guy "LAUNDA" and lamenting that she became "badnam" for him.

Of course I did not agree with his rather 'grotesque' description of what I think is a good fun song.

The reason for not agreeing with him was very simple. Anyone who was growing up during the late eighties and the early nineties, and is familiar with the kind of songs Bollywood produced during that period, will definitely vouch for the fact that "munni badnam hui" is a rather tame number in comparison to the kind of stuff that was produced back then.

So here is a list of what I think are the famous double meaning and raunchy songs that the Hindi film industry has managed to produce over the years, and the multiplex generation has never heard of. Of course this is not a complete list, so please feel free to add to it.

It all started with the pelvic thrusts of Madhuri Dixit in "Choli ke peeche kya hai." Now don't ask me what Neena Gupta was doing in that number. But this Anand Bakshi song, sung by Alka Yagnik and Ila Arun had the front benchers absolutely in raptures.

Immediately after this Varsha Usgaonkar tried to match Madhuri's pelvic thrust for pelvic thrust in the rather more direct "Choli ke andar kya hai." Of course, the song did not get anywhere, one Varsha was no Madhuri and two it was a tad more direct with lines like "Choli ke andar tabahi hai tabahi tabahi", leaving nothing to imagination.

Mithun "Ooty" Chakraborthy soon latched onto the trend and starred in the mega hit "Chadh gaya upar re attarya pe loutan kabootar re", more famous as "gutur gutur". Govinda and Karishma Kapoor really cashed in on this market. Govinda even went to the extent of singing "Meri pant bhi sexy meri shirt bhi sexy...". The censors let this one go, but would have none of "Sexy sexy sexy mujhe log bole" starring Karishma, which was eventually toned down to "Baby baby baby mujhe log bole". Of course the movie Khuddar (which also starred Govinda) tanked.

But nothing matched the brilliance they achieved together in "Sarkaye lo khatiya jaada lage" from the movie Raja Babu. I remember watching the movie at Chetak Cinema in Udaipur (Rajasthan). The crowd which had come to watch the first day first show was in fact disappointed. This is not what they expected from the David Dhawan-Govinda combination on a roll with a string of hits in the early nineties.

And that was till the last song of the movie "Sarkaaye leeyo khatiya jaada lage", started. The theatre had never been so loud. Every time, Karishma Kapoor lifted her red lungi to expose, the crowd simply went berserk. Miss Kapoor during those days was climbing the popularity charts and was willing to expose, if the script so demanded.

Of course such brilliance and titillation had never been achieved before nor would be achieved after this.

David Dhawan tried repeating it with Rishi Kapoor and Juhi Chawla in Eena Meena Deeka with the song "Saiyyan ke saath maddaiya main bada aaye rajjeyya main". The movie also had another song called "Towel main bahar jaogi to hulla mach jayega". Both the songs did not work. Well Rishi Kapoor was no Govinda and Juhi no Karishma.

Dhawan tried this again with Anil Kapoor and Juhi Chawla in Andaz. It had two songs. One was,"Main maal gaadi tu dhakka laga dhakka laga bhai dhakka laga" and the other was, "Khada hai khada hai khada hai, dar pe tere aashik khada hai khol khol khol, darwaza khol". Both the songs were cleared by the Censor Board, but the stunt did not work for Dhawan and the movie flopped. Guess by this time, people had already started to tire with such songs.

Ajay Devgan tried to mix cricket with a double meaning song. "Kal saiyyan ne aisi bowling kari, ek over bhi main khel payi nahi, chouthe hi gend mein out huyi, paanchava gend main jhel payi nahi" was a song in the 1994 movie release Vijaypath. Well the Intermediate Science Classes at St Xavier's College were empty the day the movie released, everyone having gone to watch the song at the theatres. Much to their disappointment the Censor Board did not let the song go and had it cut from the movie. So that was that.

Akshay Kumar and Mamta Kulkarni had their share of fun with "Bholi bhali ladki khol de re dil ki pyar waali khidki" and "Bharo......maang meri bharo" in the super hit Sabse Bada Khiladi (which was in fact written by Hindi pulp fiction writer Ved Prakash Sharma).

Mithun Chakraborthy sitting in Ooty could not afford to lose the race. So he sang "Mirchi re mirchi kamal kar gayee, dhoti ko phadke rumaal kar gayee."

Govinda and Shilpa Shetty together sang "LML Baba LML Baba" where LML stood for Lets Make Love Baby for the movie Hathkhadi. It need not be said the song was a huge hit. When Shilpa Shetty was asked why did she agree to star in this song? She said something to the extent of "I earlier starred in this movie called Aao Pyar Karen, which when translated into English means Lets Make Love." Now you know why they say that some people should just keep their mouth shut.

And then there were songs like "Din Mein Leti Hain Raat Ko Leti Hain" and "Daloonga Daloonga" from the movie Amanat.

Of course the entire double meaning song industry picked up after "Choli ke peeche kya hai" became a huge hit in 1993. But there were some good double meaning songs that hit the market even before that.

Take the 1991 movie Lakshman Rekha. It had a song called "Kya number hai, kya gaadi hai, kya bumper hai kya body hai, aage se dekho, peeche se dekho, upar se dekho, neeche se dekho, kahin se dekho ji...hai kya baat hai...uff kya baat hai..." Now talk about being subtle.

Or take Subhash Ghai's 1982 movie Vidhata which had a song called "Saat saheliyan khadi khadi fariyad sunaye ghadi ghadi." Now in the face of it there is no double meaning.

But of course when you get into the detail like "Ek saheli ka miyan tha dakiya, raat bhar mohe sone na de, thappu lagaye ghadi ghadi," it leaves nothing to imagination.

So in comparison to all these songs "Munni badnaam hui" is rather sedate and harmless. And wait till you hear a few Bhojpuri songs. As Avijit Ghosh writes in his recent book Cinema Bhojpuri "In Pyaar Ka Bandhan", singer Rekha Rao croons to the lyrics of Vinay Bihari, "Tani lahe lahe dheere dheere dala kamsin ba dukhala raja ji' (Put it in slowly, darling, I am very young, it hurts'), while on screen Sambhavna Seth dances to the tune and as she gyrates, a launda (a man dressed as a woman) tries to slip bangles into her arms. That is double-entendre at its best."

In fact Bhojpuri movies have a tradition of double meaning songs. As Ghosh writes "In the family drama Ganga Se Nata Ba Hamaar (1991) well-known music director Ravindra Jain not only provided the score, but also penned the lyrics for a couple of songs. In one of them he wrote, 'kahin nimbua to kahin be anaar sajni, nimbua bechari kisi ginti main na aaye, yeh zamana hai anaron ka beemar sajni'('There is a lemon at one place and a pomegranate in other. Nobody spares a second thought for the poor lemon, this is the age where everybody is mad about pomegranates'). It is obvious the composer-lyricist is not talking about the different sizes of fruit."

Or take this song from Bambai Ke Laila Chhapra Ke Chhaila "Mamla garam ba, kahe ke saram ba, loha garam ba, chala da na hathoda" ('Everything is hot. Why are you shy? The iron is hot. Why don't you just bang, the hammer?')."

Oh, and how about the recent song "Babu rao mast hai" from Once Upon A Time in Mumbai. What can get more double meaning than that? I rest my case. In comparison to all the songs listed above "Munni badnaam hui" is as good as a bhajan.

There are some songs which do not find any written lyrics or are un-recorded but are sung by some groups on the roadside for earning a living. Munni Badnaam Hui is a similar one. It is a chorus but mainly has two voices, one male and the other female. This dates back to at least 40-45 years during the childhood days in Punjab in Zira(Pakistan) where different groups wear black robes and carry metallic rings and small drums for playing music. The voice is normally rough. In this song male voice is similar to that but female voice is sweet. While on the roadside song female voice is also rough. Wording is in duet form. Munni Badnaam Hui is sung by the male while Darling Tere Liye is sung by the female. Another line was Munna Badnaam Hua, Darling Tere Liye. (These lines do not find place in the Dabangg song). Somewhere wording had it Munda (means boy) and Londa (Boy). Part of the wording also used it as a Kudi (girl) and Munda (boy). With time the names have been changed. Earlier Names of Meena Kumari and Nargis Dutt were being used instead of Shilpa and Bebo. Wordings were being used by different groups. Even the song had the names of Dilip Kumar and Raj Kapoor and other actors. The song is about a girl and boy who run away from home to become heroine/hero in the film industry and have to do lots of infamous acts before they get into films. They become famous in the film industry and with the people. It is a good attempt by Arbaaz to bring some of the village life songs to the film industry with a new touch. Only thing is the camera rarely focuses on Munni and focuses on other scenes. People would have enjoyed more, had speed of the reel been slightly slower and Malaika would have been shown more than Salman and others.

Munni Badnaam Hui, Navratri and even Bhagwati Jagran

There would be no points for guessing which was going to be the most popular song during the 2010 Navratri season that sets in from the current. It was no doubt be Munni Badnam Hui from DABANGG in as diverse manifestations as could be possible. Obviously it provided definite flexibility for the Navratri revelers to groove to it in as myriad forms as possible. But Goddess Durga might have wondered whether the argument was not being extended too far, as even Bhajans made to the tune of Munni Badnam Hui were going to make their debut during the Navratri in 2010.

In Northern India, Navratri is celebrated by evoking goddess Durga and in her honor paeans are sung throughout the night and that is why the whole process is aptly classified as Bhagwati Jagran. It was Narender Chanchal who had popularized this form of invocation to goddess Durga around North India by using the popular film songs and every year the current hit song would form an adaptative form of bhajan offered to the goddess Durga. The real trigger point was the song Chalo Bulawa aaya hai, which though originally was sung by Mahender Kapoor, it was Narender who made it rather an offering song at the Bhagwati Jagran or a binding element of the programme in between.

But goddess Durga indeed could be left looking into corners when she was offered Bhajans to the tune of Munni Badnam hui, after all, how will the bhakts be able to stop themselves from not dancing in gay abandon to the musical beats of Munni Badnam hui, though the lyrics may be an invocation to goddess Durga.

Nowhere else in the world would one find such kind of film based influence even in the religious ceremonies as it is in India? It could be owing to the fact that among the Hindus there is no such institutionalized mechanism of accompanying music in sync with the religious ceremonies as it is in the case of Muslims in the form of Qawallis, for the Christians it is the Choir while for the Sikhs it is the religious singing of the Gurbaanis. Therefore Hindus chose the film songs as channel vehicles to evoke religious sentiments during large scale mass gatherings. It has now evolved into such a big industry that every singer worth his grain now wants to be associated with it.

When the history of Indian music is written sometime in the near future, may be this aspect would also be factored into as an important ingredient of evolution of Hindi music, and the yeomen contribution that Gulshan Kumar made in popularizing this format of music would also be underlined in golden motif.

Malaika Was Paid More For Munni Badnaam Hui In Dabangg Than Any Other Item Song - Arbaaz Khan

While Malaika's hogged the limelight for the chartbuster that is "Munni", the woman who's lent her voice to the controversy-ridden song is probably just as spunky.

Singer Mamta Sharma's playback debut in Bollywood has made headlines, but it's been ten years of hardwork that's finally catapulted the lady into fame.

"The song has given me a new identity," says Mamta, who was in Kanpur to perform at a Dandiya event. "Though I have been singing for the past ten years, " Munni Badnam Hui" helped me carve a niche for myself in Bollywood. When people come to know that I have sung this song they start treating me like a celebrity," says the singer who used to sing at religious programmes in her hometown Gwalior and has sung in 11 languages, before she got her big break. "I had no connection with the industry. My mother is an insurance agent and therefore I never attempted to get any professional training in singing, even though I was always inclined towards music. Whatever I've learnt is just by listening to Lata didi and Asha tai," lets in Mamta.

Ask her if all the controversies surrounding "Munni" took away from the song, and Mamta replies, "Not at all. In fact, I think controversies sell in today's world. At one point, I did feel that the controversies were responsible for the popularity of the song. But I realized that the song itself had caught on so well. The lyrics were so catchy. When people introduce me, they say, 'woh Zandu balm wala gana inhone hi gaya hai.' And that helps to build my brand value as well."

However, the success hasn't come easy. Mamta is still fighting the monopoly of a few well-established singers in Bollywood. And that bothers hers. "When any new singer tries to make space for herself among the well-established singers in the industry, they react by trying to nudge the new one out. I've faced that too. But I think there's place for everyone in the industry and if a person is talented, then she will get her due," she says. Mamta will be singing next for Sunny Deol's "Main Yamla Pagla Deewana".

'Munni' embarrasses many women in Pakistan

The story is much the same for other 'Munnis' on this side of the Indus who wish the song had never been written. First it was the boys in the neighbourhood, and then the men got wind of the popular song from Salman Khan's film, and they would all come to Munni's store and sing " Munni badnaam hui darling teray liye" and embarrass her.

While the song - believed to be a copy of the Pakistani song "Ladka Badnam Hua Tere Liye" from a 1992 film starring Omar Sharif - has done wonders for Malaika Arora Khan, the "Munni" in the song, the Munnis in real life want to wish it away.

This isn't the first time women have had to face problems because of the mention of their all too common names in a song. Popular Punjabi singer Abrarul Haq was once directed by Pakistan's Supreme Court to change the lyrics of his song because the name "Parveen" embarrassed many women with the name.

The song "Munni Badnaam Hui", like the film in which it features, has become a huge hit in Pakistan.

The song blared in the background when Geo News channel ran a montage of former US Ambassador Anne Patterson in a segment on embarrassing disclosures made in her diplomatic cables released by WikiLeaks.

Last month, three police officers were arrested and 30 others suspended after they forced three women to dance to the song for five hours within a police station in Punjab(Pakistan) province.

`Munni badnaam hui' creates problems

'Munni Badnaam Hui Darling Tere Liye' from the Bollywood film 'Dabangg' might have legions of fans but not the real life Munni, a mother of two in this Pakistani city, who has been harassed so much that she has shut her small shop. Munni, a fairly common name in the subcontinent, is ruining the day the song became a hit. Her store is located at her home and she has been unable to open it since the song became popular. "Even sober and reserved people have sung this song loudly while passing by my store. I have scolded many of them but they just laugh and run away. "Finally, I couldn't take this behaviour any more and closed my shop for several days. Now it's been two months and either I don't open my store or if I do open it, then I don't sit at the counter myself." A mother of two, Munni said the song has also impacted on her personal life. "On seeing me, boys in my neighbourhood would start singing this song at full volume. Many times they play it on tape to tease me. This song has really become a nightmare for me."

Pak cops force women to perform 'Munni'
Officers at a police station in Pakistan's Gujranwala district had to pay a heavy price for being enamoured with the " Dabangg" super-hit song " Munni Badnam Hui" when they were suspended Friday for forcing three female dancers to perform it at the police station.

Three dancers of a musical troupe in Lahore were on their way to Gujranwala to perform at a marriage ceremony, but officers of the Sadhoki police station stopped them at a checkpost midway and took them to the police station, Dunya TV reported. Having arrested the dancers, the policemen were not ready to let go the opportunity to have some fun. They asked the dancers to perform to the Malaika Arora song "Munni Badnam Hui" one by one. After having his wish fulfilled, the police station in-charge registered an FIR against the three dancers and detained them in lock-up. The dancers, who could not go home even after entertaining the police officers, were only released on bail after two days. They filed a writ petition before the session judge who ordered an inquiry after listening to their plight. The Regional Police Officer (RPO) Gujranwala, Tariq Masood Yaseen, after conducting an inquiry, has suspended the police station in-charge Abid Farooq and the entire staff. All of them have been detained in the same lock-up where they kept the dancers for two days while further investigation is underway.

Let’s SLEEP Over It.

Did you know?


I can usually go to sleep after I have woken up.

I cannot see any movie in one go, not even a 90 minute English movie. I need to take at least one nap in between. Ask my friends, there have been instances when I have dozed off after the first 30 minutes of the movie, even in a movie theatre, only to wake up at the end and wonder what exactly happened in between. We had been to see Eklavya at the local theatre, and I dozed off in an action-filled scene where Amitabh was crouched on mud in the sweltering heat amidst the slim legs of the camels. The next scene, I see Saif and Amitabh together, only to wonder ke beech mein kya hua.

Wifey claims that she cannot sleep at anytime but night. I wonder why. I just need a place to lie on and close my eyes, telling myself that - you need to fall asleep in the next 10 minutes as if I'm programmed for that. And this way, I can fall asleep even amidst loud music, Tamil soaps where people are screaming and howling at each other, or even the ending of a suspense-filled action-packed movie.

The more exams drew near, the more I used to get sleepy. Instead of getting more tensed, the more I slept. The more I sleep, the sleepier and guiltier I feel. Guilt only increases my tension, making me sleep all the more. Now this is what I call a real life synergistic effect of a vicious cycle.


My naps are as dream filled as you could imagine. My dreams are a potpourri of action-packed, comic, tragic, suspense-filled and romantic melodrama.

Sleep is therapeutic for me. When I am stressed, I prefer sleeping instead of crying.


I believe that only people with a clear conscious can sleep as much as I do.

I have never had to take sleeping pills. Believe me even consuming pills prescribed to make me sleep less wouldn’t help.

I can never breeze through a class without dozing off at least once. Seminars are definitely meant to be slept in. My max concentration time is about an hour. When I can’t sit through a class, I sleep through it. I can even sleep in class with my eyes wide open. And just so that I do not fall asleep, I take my personal diary to classes.

I remember a funny episode when we had a picture exhibition of one of the best wildlife photography. There was a slideshow in a dark room for about an hour, and they were showing pics of animals in the order of their biological classification. This meant that the order would be like this-

Ø Plants and trees



Ø Microbes (bacteria, virus)


Ø Protozoa


Ø Porifera

Ø Cnidarians (jellyfish)


Ø Platyhelminths (flatworms)


Ø Annelids (roundworms and earthworms)


Ø Arthropods (cockroach, spider, prawn, shrimp)


Ø Mollusk (snails)


Ø Echinoderms (starfish)

Ø Fish


Ø Amphibians


Ø Reptiles


Ø Birds


Ø Mammals

Well, I remembered till the Cnidarians. With the darkness and the AC going full blast, who cared? When I woke up, they were almost at the end of the slideshow, showing the picture of monkeys and tigers. And I had gasped aloud- “But how did they come to monkeys so soon? Khatam ho gaya kya?” My friends still pull my leg about that episode.

While I travel in a train, all I need is the upper berth. I love the rocking motion of the train. Barring occasional loo breaks and food breaks, I have dozed the entire length of tracks from the North to the South.


I can never read a book on the bed to relax. I eventually fall asleep. I need to be wide awake and upright in the study even to see a movie or read a novel.

They say I sleep a lot. I say my heavy-duty batteries take a little more time to get charged.

It often happens that I fall asleep in the afternoons, only to wake up in the fading light of the evenings to imagine it to be the dawns of the early morning and start getting ready for office.

If I am hungry and there is no food at home and I am too lazy to cook or to go out to eat, I can fall asleep in order not to feel the hunger.


There have been more than one occasion when I have fallen asleep prior to the day of the examination, only to wake up the next morning and realize that I haven’t yet started to study.

Back in my home town, I couldn’t sleep in loud music or even if the night bulb glowed. After coming here, life has been so stressed and my work requires such weird hours that I have trained myself to catch occasional naps amidst work. I sleep on the couch in the house amidst the droning of the idiot box. Unfamiliar surroundings do not bother me anymore.

I once applied to a study where all you had to do was sleep, while they traced your sleeping and dreaming patterns. I wish they had selected me. I even wish that there was a job with a good pay where you were expected to sleep and only sleep.

I have slept through Sleepless in Seattle, Sleeping with the enemy, and Eyes wide shut. I haven’t yet tried with the movies Jaagte Raho.

Unlike other lovers, I can never claim that I have lost sleep thinking of someone. Who cares?


If they made a movie about me, I’d never let them name it Sona Manaa Hai. Guess what I’d make them name it? Guess guess?

1 SLEEPY IDIOT

All said and done, I lead as much of an active life as anyone else would. I eat, I dance, I attend classes and hang around with friends, I go for biking, I blog, and I do a lot more. It is just that I take sleep as seriously as any other thing I do in life.

Life roxzz

Gone are the days when people introduced themselves with a name and a handshake or a Namaste. See how it goes now. No points for guessing where these names have been picked from (Disclaimer: profile names have been picked up at random and most names have been changed. No need to come thanking me for making you famous in my blog. No crib/hate comments would be entertained). Do come up with your own collection. That would be hilarious.


1. Jaspal @ youtube ne mujhe barbaad kar diya.

2. Sarita @ reached US safely.

3. Surya Prakash @ finished MBA, looking for job.

4. Ajith @ tattoo ur soul but never say die.

5. Neha @ trying to make life possible.

6. Suman @ will be back on 18th July.

7. Tarun @ I am gonna win all challenges.

8. King of Jupiter @ goodbye Kolkata, moving to Bangalore.

9. Respect maah authority @ Deepika Deshpande.

10. Moutusi @ kaajer chaap e pagol (gone crazy with the work load).

11. Suhani @ visit my blog and tell me.

12. Dhiren @ 25 days to go yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.

13. I don’t need your attitude, I got my own.

14. Nupur getting married.

15. Smriti @ new pics uploaded… bilkul fresh.

16. Arun- our 1st lov n las lovz self lov..

17. Rajeev @ congratulations class of 2007.

18. Uma against reservation.

19. Me and my tricolored soul.

20. Aviral still single

21. Vikas the home coming warrior

22. Nemo on top of the world

23. Srikanth my new number updated at *&*^&^&%^$%

24. Anand I just like being myself.

25. Sweta proudly screens “Sivaji” in seattle.

26. Harpreet kaur waiting for parents.

27. Indra @ aar parchina guru (typical tapori Bengali for, can’t take it anymore boss).

28. Amar @ death cannot cure me.

29. Ms.Attitude Godfather is back to me.

30. Manoj I hate fake people and gays.

31. If flrtn z banned in heaven me not going.

32. Shruti I don’t care a damn.

33. Al women r gud fr sumthng or gud fr nuthning.

34. 4:23 the rattle snake.

35. U cnt change me so be like me (phone number).

36. Anupama rain is falling chama cham cham.

37. Tanmay juzz luv ppl who hate me the most.

38. Indu wants to become a kid again.

39. Samresh (finally 18…)

40. Rohanz- lifez a journey not a guided tour.

41. Sudha in search of boyfriend.

42. Hum kis gali jaa rahe hain @ pramod.

43. Anshu jain don’t go on face.

44. No one dies virgin, life fucks everyone.

45. Shashi @ broadder the smile, deeper may be the wound inside.

46. No fluke score at will.

47. I am too good for this world- adios amigos.

48. Sweet sonali hai main sadke jawaan.

49. Amit turn scars into stars.

50. I luv my job what I hate is the work.

Tere Mere Beach Mein

Did I tell you that I have a huge fascination for sea beaches? No, it’s not about snorkeling, deep sea diving or any water sports. I just love the idea of sitting on the sand, watching the kids play, the changing hues of the sky, the birds, collecting shells, or just occasionally dipping my feet into the lukewarm water.




I was however disappointed with the concept of a beach here. A trip to the Pondicherry beach (pronounced as Puducherry beach), and I screamed, much to the embarrassment of my wife- Arre par beach kahaan hai? Isme toh pao rakhne ka bhi provision nahi diya hai in logon ne(That was when we landed in Pondicherry). Seems that a beach is not always a sea beach here, characterized by the smell of rotting fish, the grumbling of the waves, the lighthouse, and the frequent nariyal paani's and sundal waala's. I found another beach by accident, and she had screamed out- Wow, this is so very like the Marina beach in Chennai. Yet let me tell you, that none of the beaches I have seen here even remotely come close to the beach culture I am so used to.




I haven’t seen all the beaches in India. Certainly not the Goa beach. But then, visits to various beaches in Maharashtra, Vizag, Chennai, and Pondicherry has been enough to get me notice the stark difference of beach culture. For one, there are no buxom aunties lifting their sarees up their knees and occasionally dipping their feet in water, all decked up with gajra and kajra. You wouldn’t notice the newlywed bongs on their honeymoon, characterized so very by the wife, suddenly out of the scrutiny of the in-laws is seen to wear the oversized jeans or trousers of the husband. I hated the Bong-infested Pondy beach so very characterized by the kichir kichir (animated conversation) about Maacher Jhol (Fish curry) and intellectual crap. Here in Paradise Beach (another variant of the Pondysphere). The crowd was totally different here. There were semi-naked men and women basking in the sun, crouched on the sand with bare minimal clothing. Lovers openly kissed and coochie-cooed, and you wouldn’t find a daroga-type man carrying a large danda on his rounds whenever he spotted two heads in unison, thanks to the combined French culture.


Another thing to notice was the total lack in business on the beaches. There are no nariyal paani wallas, no gajra sellers, no coca-cola or sutta sellers, no conch shell decoratives sellers, no pony-man you could take your kids on a ride for, albeit after much bargaining about the prices while I wondered if this was a proper donkey or a breed of khachhar (don't ask me the difference between an ass, a mule, and a donkey. I just do not know). People brought their own food and drinks (though not in cello jugs) and their own means of recreation (which ranged from baseballs to boyfriends). There were no sculptors making figurines in the sand. The way they make figures of Ma Durga and Gandhiji and Tendulkar still amazes me. There are no state handicraft shops where you could buy little mementoes and souvenirs. But then again, this was India.




Walking down the beach, we found American names scribbled on the sand. To give an Indian touch of our own, we scribbled our own Indian versions- Indian names, Bharat Mata Ki Jai. Pure fun you see.




The utter lack of floral and faunal diversity is also something that caught my eyes. There were no holes made in the sand where crabs and spiders sped in and out. No snails, no hermit crabs, no mollusks, no plankton, no stench of dead and decaying fish. In all enthusiasm, I made the mistake of putting my feet in water. The water was cold. Beyond a point, we just stopped exploring around and all we did was take a short walk and get back to the boat.


This reminded me of my childhood days when a trip to the beach, whenever possible would get us all so excited. The ladies of the family would make sandwiches, and we would be running around everywhere, making castles out of sand and collecting conch shells. My dad being panicky about water would never willingly let us step into the water. But it was no fun till you got yourselves drenched. I remember how I would bargain with dad that I’d only take 6 steps in the water and would only let it wet my heels. Yet when dad wasn’t looking, I’d silently venture in, only to have a sudden gush of wave take the sand off my feet and me hurling back. It was such fun getting the waves all on you, tasting the salt, the sand gritting your teeth, playing in the water for hours not caring about catching a cold the next day. And I always wondered how my grand parents or parents never really put much effort into stepping in water, all they would do is sit in a circle and chat amidst cups of tea. I wanted to run around, explore every bit of the beach, collect all the shells that I could, climb up the lighthouse, get myself all drenched, and never come back.

However, now whenever I visit the beach, I can feel my years catching up on me. Or perhaps I just need to be in the company of a bunch of jungle kids to be running around once again.

Truncated Love

Hi


Wazzup

H r u?

Gr8 gr8.

U liked the buk?

ROTFLMAO

temme

Gud

I lv u

Me2

I lv u 1/0

k. gtg. Brb.

Wtf?


lol. ttyl. Gtg.

k. tc.

U2.

Now that is what I call the expression of love in codes. Anybody care for full sentences, correct spelling and proper grammar?

Gtg.

Bolo Bollywood Ki Jai

Me: Hi ma, wazzup?


Ma: Hi beta. How is the job hunt going?

Me: Not much luck as of yet. Still knocking doors to get a campus job this summer.

Uncomfortable silence.

Ma: Worry not beta. Did you know, Smriti worked at McDonalds, serving burgers and cleaning tables during the start of her career.

Me: Smriti?

Ma (enthusiastically): Yeah, the Tulsi of Kyunki Saas……. And you know, Akshay Kumar was a butler in Bangkok. Rajnikanth was a conductor and Uttam Kumar was a clerk.

Sheeeessshhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!

Welcome to my family. And this is my mom, sans exaggeration. If Bollywood offered degrees, she could have done her doctoral thesis three times over. She couldn’t tell a killer-smiles Tom Cruise from a gorgeous-looks Hugh Grant. Tollywood with all its Beder-Meye-Jyotsna (the snake charmer’s daughter Jyotsna) and Baba Keno Chakor (why is the dad the servant of the family) don’t hold her attention for more than five minutes. But when it comes to our own Mumbai film industry, the Bolly-cells run in her blood.


I have seen my friends growing up in conservative families where cable TV was a no-no. Going to cinema halls was a taboo till they reached college. Cable TV found its welcoming place in our home at the very beginning of its inception sometime in the early 90s. I have never really been interested in the TV. The cable connection was for her.

Imagine a mom who’d persuade you to go watch a movie with her, and in return, she will treat you to lunch at your favorite Biryani place, take you out for shopping, and promise you to buy whatever your heart desired. For some inexplicable reason, Bollywood has fascinated her as much as the hobby of lip-locking fascinated our serial kisser Emraan Hashmi. Well, Hashmi might grow old someday and find his kiss-eromones (the sub-family of pheromones) not cooperating. But never ever will a day come that my mom would stop raving about Bollywood.

In the 70's when good girls from conservative families never went to the cinema theaters, my mom used to go and my grand dad would bring the first day first show of every Hindi movie. I guess she has seen every movie that our film industry has ever produced, from Main khoon ki pyaasi hoon to Bahu bani Chudail, once and more than once. For ask her about a movie, and she could tell you everything from the protagonists to the directors, to which year it released in, which movie theatre she went to watch it, with whom, wearing what, eating what, and any other interesting episodes that might have ensued. Being from a not-so-movie-fanatic family, one of the reasons she married early was because she believed that while she was married, she would not have to convince my grandparents every time she wanted to see a movie. Both my grandfather and my dad must have spent a fortune getting the 1st-day-1st-show tickets for every Amitabh or Jeetendra movie. From the dhishum dhishums to the matka jhatkas and the choro bachao, she has seen it all.


One peek into the movie, and she could tell you the name, the entire story line, who raped who, who married who, and who fled with who. What more, she knows who is related to who in what way. Ask her and she will tell you amazing facts like how the Kapoors and the Bachchans are related because Amitabh’s daughter Shweta married the son of Ritu Nanda, who happens to be the daughter of Raj Kapoor. She will tell you how in Deewar, the casting was weird because Shashi Kapoor and Neetu Singh are father-in-law and daughter-in-law in real life. Ask her and she will tell you the entire life history of Dimple Kapadia, including descriptions of how she got married early, her marital problems and her divorce with Rajesh Khanna, her affair with Sunny Deol, and so on and so forth. And her Bolly-knowledge isn’t just limited to the Bachchans and the Kapoors of the older generation. She can confidently tell you how Amzad Khan (aka Gabbar Singh) died of a heart attack due to their unhealthy food habits and how his son (the same hero of Raja Ki Aayegi Baarat starring Rani Mukherjee) took a lesson out of this and reduced so many pounds in so many years. She can tell you the entire chronologic tree of the extended family of Kajol that includes people like Monish Behl, Nutan, Joy Mukherjee, Rani Mukherjee, and Shraboni Mukherjee (the jaate-hue-lamha chick from Border).


This reminds me of the TV serial Filmi Chakkar featuring Satish Shah and Ratna Pathak. Btw, Ratna Pathak is related to Deena Pathak (the strict mom from the Rekha starrer movie Khoobsurat), Supriya Pathak, and Naseeruddin Shah. You should see how animatedly mom match makes the Bollywood couples. She was so upset with the Abhi-Aish wedding, because she strongly believed that Abhishek should have gone for Sushmita Sen or Rani Mukherjee.


Naah, I do not trust his decision anymore. Even that old hag Karishma was no good for him- she told me all heartbroken one day.

But mom, how do you know who is destined to be with who?, I asked her, intrigued.

I know- she said with conviction.

Those were the days of my masters when I used to be all worried about getting a job post masters. That was the time when she had told me that like Shashi Kapoor in Deewar, I should be patient and well-principled. Man, the mention of him had brought back bland imaginations of me informing my sis who supposedly (am just imagining) would have had all the fun in life, daaru, handsome boyfriends, money, while I’d look into her eyes and say- Mere paas Ma hai. And my sister would look at me and scream-


Muahahahahhaaa……..

If dad would let it, I am sure our walls would have had expensively framed pics of people from the Bachchan family, Kapoor Khandaan, and the entire Kutton ka khoon peene waala Deol family. Imagine my plight one afternoon when I come home from work, only to see my mom with a swollen face and tear filled eyes.

What? You okay? What happened?

Yeah I am okay, and she started to wipe her eyes with the corner of her pallu again.

What? Nani is fine?- I asked alarmed. Is it dad? You had a fight with him?

No no.


Then?

Well, Lajja Shankar killed Professor Verma.

Who Lajja Shankar? Who Verma? Do we know them? Are they dad’s colleagues?

No…. she sounded irritated.

Then? Tell me….

I was watching the movie Sangharsh..(sob sob) and (sob sob)…..

Craaaappppppppppp………. I screamed out. See how your Professor Verma is flirting with the chicks in the movie Garam Masala…

Still…….. (sob sob)

Can you believe it, my mom is a fan of Sunny Deol. She is even a bigger fan of Adnan Sami, Akshay Kumar, Sonu Nigam, and Preity Zinta. When she told our neighbor aunty (who isn’t even enlightened enough about Bollywood to distinguish Akshay Kumar from Akshay Khanna) how Adnan Sami, Neetu Kapoor-Singh and Sushmita Mukherjee (the kitty-chick with the crater-faced Pankaj Kapur, who also happens to be Nilima-Sadak-Azeem’s husband and Shahid Kapur’s dad) were her idols because they had so dedicatedly lost weight, aunty asked if they were family friends.


Women have no life of their own. That Bhagyashree chick married a Himalaya loser and bas, end of career. And look at Kajol now. That way, I so very admire Dimple. And am so glad Sunidhi Chauhan separated from that Bobby guy and reconciled with her parents, she told me enthusiastically one day.

Hmm… in logon ke life mein ya pati ka sthan hai ya career ka (these people have the place for either the husband or the career in their lives), I said unenthusiastically.

You know how Rajesh Khanna and Anup Jalota were jealous of their wives?- she started animatedly.

Mom, I’ve heard it many a times. I am not interested.

Too bad, she looked irritated. Look at your other friends. You neither like movies, nor do you like discussing them. What would I do with you?


Well, that is my mom. She strongly encourages me to maintain a diary so that someday when I become famous, the diary can be made into the book of my life (like the book of Amitabh Bachchan). Her references and allusions to anything is mostly related to Bollywood. She once asked me if US looks the way just like it did in Kal Ho Na Ho and Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna. She once asked me if I could get a TV and a cable connection before she visited me. She wants me to wear a Manish-Malhotra type designer wedding. For years, she went goo-goo-gaa-gaa over the chiffon sarees Dr.Simran Mathur wore in Astitva-Ek Prem Kahani. What more, she is full of those adjectives for people like Kajol-type-laughter, Rani-type-husky-voice, Sushmita-type-beauty-and-brains, Bobby-Deol-type-sexy-voice, and Ajay-Devgan-types-deep-eyes. Ask her and she will tell you why Johnny Lever is called Johnny Lever, what is the real name of Sanjeev Kumar, how many movies have Amrish Puri and Sridevi acted in together, and how singer Sonali Rathod eloped with brother-in-law Roop Kumar Rathod and married him to free herself from that animal husband Anup Jalota who wouldn’t let her sing.

You think it is Filmy Chakkar? Yaar mujhe to kabhi kabhi chakkar aa jaata hai. So the next time you crave for some delicious homemade cashew chicken or mutton do pyaaza, you know what to scream?


Bolo Bollywood Ki Jai….

My Dad's Face

Talking about Fathers’ Day, I do not know what’s so special or fatherly about a Fathers’ day, but in a world where even every dog has its day (ahh!!! My puns suck big time, I know), I mean when there are days dedicated for everyone, from lovers to mothers, neighbors, chacha, mama, mausi, in-laws, outlaws, boss’ and ex-lovers, I did not see how fathers could be spared. So I decided to write a post about my dad. Not exactly a post about my dad, but definitely a post about my dad.


What a confusion!!!!

I was brought up with a typical middle class upbringing that included oodles of instructions about what to do and what not to do. The latter in fact vastly outnumbered the former. And my mom thought there is a universal antidote to every problem, or more correctly, to ensure that problems never ever arose in life. And the antidote was my dad’s face.

When I was a kid and I had wanted to break off the neck of that boy who borrowed crayons from me and then showed me his little finger for katti (a gesture used by silly little children, especially girls, to signify temporary discontinuity of friendship till parents intervened), my mom had told me- Don’t mess with him. Dad ka chehra yaad hai na? (remember your dad’s face?)

This way, my mom has strategically used the reference of my dad’s face for almost a quarter century now to keep me off the seemingly evils of life.

At four, I had wanted to ask some aunty why every time we went to their place, mom got the customary packet of mithai (sweets) for them while every time they visited us, they came empty handed. I was just curious about the mathematics of her hospitality. And mom had rolled her eyes and said- Remember your dad’s face?

At six, I had asked mom what was this whole story about the bol sakhi bol tera raaz kya hai song on Doordarshan and what exactly do those pills cure? Constipation? Headaches? Mom had rolled her eyes and said- You ask too many questions. Remember your dad’s face?

At ten, I had overheard Mary Aunty praising her big-butted fat ass daughter for nothing and I had wanted to make fun of her. My mom had rolled her eyes and said- Remember your dad’s face?

At twelve, I had wanted to ask my best friend if he has purchased a cycle. My mom had rolled her eyes and said- Remember your dad’s face?

At thirteen, we changed stamps and I had applied in a kids competition to get some money for purchasing some more of them (stamps and coins used to be traded as was in the barter system)I had asked my mom if I could apply to participate in the competition as well, just in case (the reason was instantly understated). My mom had rolled my eyes and said- Remember your dad’s face?

At fifteen, I had told my mom that many boys from my class had girl-friends, and if I could go look for a girl-friend, and also buy that blazer for my birthday. My mom had rolled my eyes and said- Remember your dad’s face?

At sixteen, I had asked my mom if it is okay for me to try smoking and drinking at least once, just for curiosity sake. My mom had rolled my eyes and said- Remember your dad’s face?

At twenty one, I had told my mom that Malayali girls were a pain and I would prefer a cute looking North Indian girl. I had also told her that I want to get married. My mom had rolled my eyes and said- You’ll marry at 21? Remember your dad’s face?

At twenty three, I had told my mom that I do not want to get married anymore, North Indian or not, and I want to go out, see the world, travel US and Europe and Africa. My mom had rolled my eyes and said- What? Remember your dad’s face?

You get the drift, right?

I tell you, my mom has used my dad’s face as a protection aid to prevent me from every screw-up in life. But then, come to think of it. It is the very face of my dad that is responsible for my dysfunctional love life at an age when my friends have an active love life, married or not. It is my dad’s face that has prevented me from the adventures of getting drunk and calling names to various uncles or aunties and their baby-elephants haathi's mere saathi's. Every time I saw a good looking seemingly date-able girl, I was programmed to see my dad’s angry face, with blood rolling out of his eyes in streams and his nostrils flaring like a buffaloes. Every time I was expected to genuflect to these door ke rishtedaars (long distance relatives) while I wanted to scream- fuck off!!!, I would see the frame of my dad, hands crossed, with a stern expression on his face. Not that my dad is like that, but that is how I am expected to picture him every time I crossed the so called lakshman rekha of maan maryada. What more, I have been expected to see my dad’s face for certain apocryphal involvements with people, where I had no role. Like when I called mom the other day and told her that “X” is going out with a girl, my mom had sternly said- Remember your dad’s face?

Clearly this was an implicit warning about how I should refrain from doing anything the “good boys” do not. But what am I supposed to do if a 30 year old man is going around with a 25 year old girl? He takes her out on long drives, pays for her dinner, buys her sexy clothes, allows her to use his credit card, and provides a shoulder every time she wants to lean on (which happens some hundred times a day). At least his life is not as love starved, colorless, and boring as mine. Ab dhalti jawani mein jo mila.

Most recent conversation-

Me- Mom remember my neighbor? Haan wahi. Arre haan haan wahi. He had a baby girl last week.

Mom- err… I did not know he was married.

Me- oh come on mom. How many times do I have to tell you that getting married and having babies are two totally unrelated events?

Mom- what??? He is not married? What a shame. The girl’s parents would be devasted.

Me (excited)- on the contrary, the girl lives with her parents in California, and they were with her during delivery. He will be in California for the next three months, living with the baby, the girl friend, and her parents.

Mom- you mean as ghar jamai?

Me- mom !!!! they are not married. How can he be ghar jamai?

Mom- Just remember your dad’s face.

Me- errr……What do I have to do in this? I am not the boy friend, am I?

Mom- I don’t know. Just remember your dad’s face, that’s all.

At this rate, I just hope I don’t remember my dad’s omnipresent face then. Yes yes then. Arre you got it right, I really mean then.