Dear Mr. Rishi Kapoor
Hello Sir! How are you doing? Long time no see. Or am I to really count your appearance on Thoda Pyar Thoda Magic? Where you yourself looked extremely uncomfortable as God. But then again not as uncomfortable as Mr. Bachchan in God Tussi Great Ho. Coming back to TPTM, just one question sir, what the hell were you thinking? Playing mentor to Rani Mukherji's less than convincing angel act must have been traumatic. My sympathies.
But speaking of trauma, Sir, what is this I hear about an upcoming movie called Karzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz? I understand that remakes must state everything with more eloquence, but this is still way too drawn out. Even if I could forgive the spelling, how, how, how could you let Himesh be the one in charge of the role you played once? Remember that year? 1980? I actually don't, having been just born. But you were a strapping young man who played Monty to perfection. Just your enthusiasm, screen presence, youthful good looks were enough to make a movie on reincarnation and revenge entertaining beyond belief. And then there was the fine music of course. No, I am not even going into the discussion of how "original" the tracks were. I am only harping on the fact that your Karz was part of a wonderful childhood, and I am angry that the memory of that is going to be decimated and then pulverized in less than a month's time.
Please Sir, I don't care what you need to do. Go on a hunger strike, weep tears of blood, do another badly written role of God, but whatever it is, please try and stop this film from ever getting released. Or even if it must be released, let it only tour Mumbai. Let it not embarrass the rest of the country or the world.
Alright Sir, be good. I shall keep you in my prayers.
Sincerely,
The One Who Saw the Trailer of Karzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz for the First Time Today and is Scarred Forever.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Two Kinds of Endorsements
I have sometimes been accused of having more tolerance for movies than for people. I think my justification, at least to myself, has been that a trashy movie can be shelved and forgotten but the impact of a trashy person can last a lifetime.
However, I sincerely believe that viewers like me, who will watch almost anything that comes out of Hollywood in the name of entertainment, and everything that comes out from Bollywood to curb their homesickness, should take the blame when products such as God Tussi Great Ho are released to the wider world. In the recent past, I have even sat through the entire screening of wonders such as Loha, Disco Dancer, Saudagar, Red, etc. to name a few. And it was with similar expectation or maybe a trifle more that I started my personal experience with God Tussi...
It is beyond my comprehension to understand why Salman Khan needed to not talk, nor scream, nor cry during the movie but screech instead. Or why Priyanka Chopra kept switching her nose ring from the left to the right nostril. As someone with a pierced nose, I can safely declare that getting one nostril pierced does not sort of guarantee the piercing of its twin, no, neither by osmosis, nor by auto suggestion. The supporting cast comprised, most memorably of, Anupam Kher and Sohail Khan. The former played an angry, bitter father, who apparently has a heart of gold buried somewhere really deep inside. So Kher mouths supposedly laugh-out-loud dialogues like, “Arrey jis din meri kali kalooti beti ki shaadi ho jayegi, us din...” Ah! Emancipated times! Particularly true in a country like ours where Bollywood actors are deified, their words are treated like those from gods, and where being fair-complexioned is one of the most coveted virtues. Sohail Khan is, well, never mind. I never did judge a movie by his inclusion in it. But the biggest surprise is Amitabh Bachchan who plays God in the movie. Why at this ripe old age he had to play a half-baked, nit-witted character defies all logic. This is a god, who unlike Morgan Freeman’s in Bruce Almighty, is super zzz inducing boring. He sounds like those pedantic and monotonous teachers from school who went on and on, and as students you could almost imagine the words “NOT FUN” to be engraved on their foreheads.
But a movie that as a viewer I should be proud of and also endorse is the Meryl Streep starrer Mamma Mia! (The exclamation is part of the title.) If not for anything else, watch the movie for its frame after frame of cinematographic generosity. Seriously, this is one of the prettiest movies of all time. It’s as if the creative team sat down and said, “You know it doesn’t matter if they like our movie or not. Let’s just make sure that for the duration for which they are in front of the screen, they should not be able to peel their eyes off it.” Another good reason to watch this movie? The evergreen music, mind you, not the lyrics, of ABBA. Okay, so are you saying you need one more reason? How about the fact that the central theme of the movie as I understood it is, “There is no ‘right’ age for fun. If you think you can handle it, go for it.”
Which is also my ten paisa worth of gyan to you today: If you think you can handle it (life), go for it.
However, I sincerely believe that viewers like me, who will watch almost anything that comes out of Hollywood in the name of entertainment, and everything that comes out from Bollywood to curb their homesickness, should take the blame when products such as God Tussi Great Ho are released to the wider world. In the recent past, I have even sat through the entire screening of wonders such as Loha, Disco Dancer, Saudagar, Red, etc. to name a few. And it was with similar expectation or maybe a trifle more that I started my personal experience with God Tussi...
It is beyond my comprehension to understand why Salman Khan needed to not talk, nor scream, nor cry during the movie but screech instead. Or why Priyanka Chopra kept switching her nose ring from the left to the right nostril. As someone with a pierced nose, I can safely declare that getting one nostril pierced does not sort of guarantee the piercing of its twin, no, neither by osmosis, nor by auto suggestion. The supporting cast comprised, most memorably of, Anupam Kher and Sohail Khan. The former played an angry, bitter father, who apparently has a heart of gold buried somewhere really deep inside. So Kher mouths supposedly laugh-out-loud dialogues like, “Arrey jis din meri kali kalooti beti ki shaadi ho jayegi, us din...” Ah! Emancipated times! Particularly true in a country like ours where Bollywood actors are deified, their words are treated like those from gods, and where being fair-complexioned is one of the most coveted virtues. Sohail Khan is, well, never mind. I never did judge a movie by his inclusion in it. But the biggest surprise is Amitabh Bachchan who plays God in the movie. Why at this ripe old age he had to play a half-baked, nit-witted character defies all logic. This is a god, who unlike Morgan Freeman’s in Bruce Almighty, is super zzz inducing boring. He sounds like those pedantic and monotonous teachers from school who went on and on, and as students you could almost imagine the words “NOT FUN” to be engraved on their foreheads.
But a movie that as a viewer I should be proud of and also endorse is the Meryl Streep starrer Mamma Mia! (The exclamation is part of the title.) If not for anything else, watch the movie for its frame after frame of cinematographic generosity. Seriously, this is one of the prettiest movies of all time. It’s as if the creative team sat down and said, “You know it doesn’t matter if they like our movie or not. Let’s just make sure that for the duration for which they are in front of the screen, they should not be able to peel their eyes off it.” Another good reason to watch this movie? The evergreen music, mind you, not the lyrics, of ABBA. Okay, so are you saying you need one more reason? How about the fact that the central theme of the movie as I understood it is, “There is no ‘right’ age for fun. If you think you can handle it, go for it.”
Which is also my ten paisa worth of gyan to you today: If you think you can handle it (life), go for it.
Brevity
Sometimes, the best lessons in life are short, so short in fact that they can be wrapped up in less than five minutes.
A few days ago, I was in the local bus and coming back home my workplace. The bus was being driven by, shall we say, Fred. Amiable, friendly, and in his fifties, my favorite part about him was his distinguished silver mustache and the easy laugh lines all over his face. That day, while waiting at a traffic signal, his cellphone rang. Fred answered. Given the bus’s acoustics and the position of my own seat, I heard him very well. And however much eavesdropping is plain bad manners, there is a reason why I think I should be excused. This is how the conversation went:
Fred: Hello, this is Fred Wilson.
Other end: ...
Fred: Oh hello, Mrs. Wilson. How are you since I last saw you?
Other end: ...
Fred: I know it was at breakfast this morning. But I am eager to see you again!
Other end: ...
Fred: Of course! I would be delighted to give you a ride. I have about six minutes before I reach your bus stop. Will you please wait for me?
Other end: ...
Fred: All right then! Bye!
Other end: ...
Unfortunately, my own bus stop came before those magical six minutes. It would have been nice to see how Fred interacts with his wife even in real life, and maybe learn a lesson or two more from him about staying in love.
A few days ago, I was in the local bus and coming back home my workplace. The bus was being driven by, shall we say, Fred. Amiable, friendly, and in his fifties, my favorite part about him was his distinguished silver mustache and the easy laugh lines all over his face. That day, while waiting at a traffic signal, his cellphone rang. Fred answered. Given the bus’s acoustics and the position of my own seat, I heard him very well. And however much eavesdropping is plain bad manners, there is a reason why I think I should be excused. This is how the conversation went:
Fred: Hello, this is Fred Wilson.
Other end: ...
Fred: Oh hello, Mrs. Wilson. How are you since I last saw you?
Other end: ...
Fred: I know it was at breakfast this morning. But I am eager to see you again!
Other end: ...
Fred: Of course! I would be delighted to give you a ride. I have about six minutes before I reach your bus stop. Will you please wait for me?
Other end: ...
Fred: All right then! Bye!
Other end: ...
Unfortunately, my own bus stop came before those magical six minutes. It would have been nice to see how Fred interacts with his wife even in real life, and maybe learn a lesson or two more from him about staying in love.
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