The world according to Dilli

Hello, ji. I myself am Diwana Dilliwala, but you may call me Dilli for short as all people are doing. Some people say I am very old, and that I was born eight times before and that this is my ninth life. Arre, I reply. Cats are supposed to have nine lives, not people. I'm a Dilli, not a billi, I say. I am cutting a joke. Talli doh.

But enough about billis, and history, and all that purana baqwas. Today we are talking about a very big subject. It is called the world. The most famous country in the world, as we are all knowing, is Amrika. In fact, some say it is a world by itself called New World, i.e., Nayi Duniya. It is called New World to separate it from Old World.

Before New World was found, people from here used to go to Old World country called Southhaal. But now everyone from here wants to go only to New World and no one goes to Old World except Pakistanis and Bangladeshis. No wonder they are renaming Southhaal and calling it Southhalal.

Dilli and Amrika have always had very good dosti-shosti, right from beginning. Not believing? I am showing you. Who discovered Amrika? Columbus, na? Same Columbus after whom famous St Columbus school in Dilli is named. Yes, sirji, Columbus was a Dilliwala.

How you think he got his Green Card to go to Amrika? He bought it from same Dilli printer who sells you fake driving licence, voter ID card, ration card, whatever you are needing.

Dilli and Amrika have many things in common. Dilli has CWG scam, 2G scam, votes-for-cash scam. Amrika is founded on the biggest scam of all. It is called capitalism and it is to be found in a klony called Wall Street where world's biggest scambaji takes place. Don't believe? Ask Rajat Gupta.

Now Dilli and Amrika are having a nuclear pact. Amrika will give Dilli nuclear reactors. For bijli, not bumbs, sachchi. Some people worried, what if nuclear reactors explode and release radioactive poison like in some place called Japan where M'ruti cars used to come from. What will happen to Dilli then? Don't worry, I tell such people. In Dilli the nuclear bhoosa that goes into reactor will be adulterated, it will be nakli bhoosa not asli bhoosa, so nothing will happen. No radio-shadio poisoning. No bijli too. But we are not having bijli anyway, so what harm?

Second most important country after Amrika is Pakistan. Some people thinking, Pakistan is not country but cricket team. Pakistan was created by The Partition. Some people saying Partition was very bad thing. But I say, thanks to Partition. Pakistan got Pakistan, which is only one place. But look what Dilli got in exchange: Lajpat Nagar I, II and III - three refugee klonies for the price of one that Pakistan got. What do you say to that. Talli doh.

Pakistan is wanting Kashmir. This was big problem before. If Kashmir went to Pakistan, where one was to go for summer holiday to get away from heat? Big problem. But now? No problem. Thanks to BTQ given by RBI, one can go for summer holiday to Swizzerland, i.e. Kashmir of West.

Swizzerland is nice place, with lots of banks having black money in accounts with secret numbers. All big, big people having secret number accounts in Swizzerland. You don't have secret number account, you not a big people. No one will give you any patta. Or time of day. Specially not time of day coming from watch made in Swizzerland, which is also famous for watches apart from secret bank accounts. Swizzerland making many, many watches, like Omega, Rolex, Bofors (No, no, Bofors was not watch but gun, and came not from Swizzerland, but another S-place called Skindle, or Swindle, or something, and cost 64 crore, which no one has yet found). You wanting Swizzerland watch? I get you one, very cheap. From cujjin-brother who is owning shop in Pallika Bazar selling only Swizzerland watches. No? OK. No problem.

All Swizzerland-made watches my cujjin brother in Palika Bazar is selling are made in special factory called China. China is very big factory which makes everything. And everything it makes is very sasta, very cheap. Swizzerland-made watch? China factory makes it. Air-conditioner, hair-dryer, ballpoint pen, alarm clock? All made in China factory. China factory is world's fastest growing eknomy. How I am knowing this? Because goddess Lakshmi I do puja to, on Diwali also made in China factory. If China can make goddess of wealth, what is making mere money for it?

What other countries does world have? There is one place called Arsetralia. It is called Arsetralia because in old days people from jail, called arses, were sent there. What else I know about Arsetralia? They have kungaroo, which are like very big rabbits and go hopping like maindaks. Also, in Arsetralia they beat up students from Andhra Pradesh, which is one other country south of Vindhya mountains which I am not knowing too much about.

Italy is also famous country for two most famous inventions. One is piza and one is Soniaji. Which is more famous? Piza, of course, because it coming in many flavours - paneer masala, butter chicken, keema-mattar, etc - while Soniaji coming in only one flavour, which is Congress (Heh, heh. Only cutting a joke, Soniaji. You are not taking to heart, no? Talli doh.)

There used to be another famous country called Roossi. Everyone used to go around saying 'Hindi-Roossi bhai-bhai'. But nowadays nobody talks about Roossi, where they still sing songs of Raj Kapoor. Whoever that is.

Any more countries? There is one country called SAARC. It is also called Neighbours. Neighbours have one common thing: they all hating us. Why? Because they say we always doing goondagiri with them. Goondagiri? We? Saale, kambakht, I'll give you such a jhaapar that your own nani won't recognise you, you *&$!@**…

That'll show them, no? Talli doh.

Play hard, look good

Given the spread of television media, sport today isn't just about athletes sweating it out in the heat of competition. With millions of dollars in advertisement revenue at stake, sports federations can hardly ignore this reality. This is one area where badminton has lagged behind. That in turn has meant declining interest, as few badminton tournaments are broadcast on TV. The game is in dire need of a dose of glamour. The Badminton World Federation's decision to have women players wear skirts as part of a new dress code must be seen in this context. There's in fact a case for a suitable dress code for male players as well so that the effort to add colour to the sport is gender-neutral.

The concept of a dress code is hardly new to sport. It can be born of tradition, as in Test cricket, or due to considerations like curbing political and religious symbolism, as in football. Thanks to the growth of professional sport, players' uniforms have become integral to the branding exercise of individual athletes and sport itself. Women's lawn tennis has led the way in sporting designer outfits. In recent years, players like Anna Kournikova have been known for their on-court glamour quotient. This has not only helped pull in the crowds but also popularised the game. A parallel can be drawn with cricket's latest avatar - T20. With cheerleaders and glitzy presentation, the game's popularity has been ramped up, roping in new demographics.

The argument that the focus on glamour will deflect attention from the game is false. Professional sportspersons will still have to perform to earn recognition. There's no harm in looking good while they're at it. Since badminton needs to shed its dull image, a pleasing dress code for both men and women shuttlers would help.

An arbitrary decision


The Badminton World Federation has made it mandatory for all women players to wear skirts in Grand Prix tournaments and above. The reason cited is "to ensure attractive presentation of badminton". However, in its ham-handed bid to boost the sport's glamour quotient among fans and sponsors, the federation has gone too far. Not only is its decision arbitrary, it also exposes the administrators' skewed approach to the task of popularising the sport.

Imposition of a dress code on women badminton players must be opposed. It goes against their freedom to choose what they want to wear in accordance with their comfort levels and suitability for on-court performance. Not surprisingly, the new order has met with stiff opposition from shuttlers in Indonesia, including world champion Lilyana Natsir who has been quoted as saying: "Skirts hamper my movement when i play". Our own Saina Nehwal - though she has not opposed the move but prefers to wear shorts - will be among those affected by the decision. In this regard, the federation has displayed utter disregard for individual choice. Such top-down diktats can negatively impact the performance of many players to the ultimate detriment of the sport. Why not instead let big sponsors incentivise players to wear designer outfits, as in the case of lawn tennis?

Asking women shuttlers to wear skirts will inevitably be seen as an attempt to commodify them. People are bound to ask why the sartorial choices of male players haven't been similarly targeted. Besides, the BWF has failed to factor in the sensitivities of players coming from different cultural backgrounds. Rather than display insensitivity merely in order to attract more fans and rope in greater numbers of sponsors, the federation should promote badminton in newer territories and at the grassroots levels.