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Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Rail tale - Mannerisms

Have you ever tried seeing co-passengers using their cell phones in the train? Co-passengers succeed in putting the very same technology to a completely different and irritating use. Every few minutes a cellphone would go off - each with its own characteristic, cacophonic ringtone - and the following kind of inane conversation would follow:

"Chai naasta ho gaya hai"....

"Abhi abhi Surat cross kiya hai"...
"Tum log kya kar rahe ho? Aaj khaane mein kya banaa hai"?


You wish the railways starts providing a pair of earplugs along with those bedrolls and towels. And thank God that mobile phones have to be switched off on board airplanes!

But well, this is 'progress'. A few years ago there was a satellite phone on board for the use of passengers. Not that anyone used the facility. It cost - if I remember correctly - Rs 180 per minute!

Then came mobiles. And roaming. And now, dirt-cheap roaming.

Out went the satphone. Instead, electrical plug points have been helpfully provided in every compartment. So no, you don't even have to worry about your battery running out right after you've discussed the flavour of ice cream served after dinner...

It's not the technology that's to blame of course, but lack of manners and sensitivity among those that use it!

Up grade
On a more positive note, I must say that the Indian Railways is once again doing a great job with its 'prima donna' trains.

I used to be a great fan of the Rajdhani express - in the pre-budget airline era these were the best options available to a middle class Indian. An Indian whose needs and aspirations have changed over the years - a fact that the Rajdhani did notice and act upon.

My first ever trip by Rajdhani was in the a/c chair car. 16 hours on board a train is as long and cramped as a trans-continental flight, but yet a memorable experience. Because in those days it was a great novelty to travel in an a/c train where they served you food and gave you blankets!

Gradually the chaircar was abolished and Rajdhani became an all-sleeper train. A new 3rd a/c class was introduced which was more expensive. But still considered economical for the kind of comfort it provided.

However, for a long time after that, there was no major innovation or improvement. Until now. The new coaches introduced for the Rajdhani some time ago -which I guess for the first time - are amazing.

The windows are now huge and clear, the kind you see in Eurorail. The old, noisy fans and ancient clunky light switches are gone. And most importantly, the loos are very clean and never run out of water. Thanks to better design as well as maintenance.

The food, as always, is far better than the cardboard served on airlines. My personal favourite is the dahi served in earthern 'kullads'. The taste of which is truly something else. Thanks to Mahamahim Laluji who got out of his chaara to kullads.



Even the menu has improved - there is finally an alternative to 'veg cutlet' in breakfast. You can opt for upma - which is made rather well!

All in all - cell phone commentary aside - a pleasant journey.

Now if only they could shave off some hours and make it a less gruesome ride...That is the day I'm waiting for!

Talking on cellphones in public places is the bane of every society. And there is no option. I wish all rail cars were cellphone free zones and they only be allowed in the vestibules, and some parts of the pantry car etc.

Train travel in India is one of the most positive of experiences. Having travelled the length and breadth of the country on numerous occasions on everything from going ticketless, to spending 72 hours from Ahmedabad to Kottayam (Kerala), its given me some of the best memories of life. Nothing beats sitting on the doorsteps of a second class bogie, with the wind in the air and watching the countryside passing by. Of course, i once did it on the train from Kodai down, and was black all over from the coal engine smoke !!

Rail travel in the US sucks. From what i have read, they had their own glorious era a while ago, but in the last 30 years, its all gone to the dogs. They cant get their highspeed trains to stay on the tracks, there are frequent delays, and the government just provides it enough money to keep the railways alive.

A day the budget airlines should be dreading!!

'Rush' hour

A few years back, the Mumbai Police arrested Salil Chaturvedi, managing director of Provogue and claimed that they ‘‘had clinching evidence’’ against him in a cocaine case.

The police alleged that Chaturvedi had conspired with the other accused in the case to smuggle in cocaine... They then raided his house in Andheri, where they claimed they seized three vials of cocaine.


Why would a man who knew he was under the police scanner for some time now keep 3 vials of cocaine in his home? There are only two possible explanations:
a) The police planted the evidence, as the Chaturvedis claim
b) The guy is an addict and hence took the risk

The latter may well be true except that the guy didn't look like a 'druggie'. I mean the TV screen shots showed him as too hatta-katta ie well-fed. Fardeen Khan, on the other hand did - remember those bloodshot eyes.

But then I have rather antiquated ideas of what druggies look like. Filled in my head in my more impressionable years by serials like Subah which ran in the mid'80s. Where the characters on drugs looked sad, completely wasted, cowering in a corner somewhere. Living from fix to fix.

These days 'drugs' does not mean heroin or brown sugar. Cocaine is the poison of choice and I'm told it's possible to be a merely recreational user...

Psychedelia City
Actually, I have no idea what a cocaine user looks like.

I have wondered though what the experience might feel like. But, I haven't indulged my curiosity - I subscribe to the school of thought which says 'stay away from drugs coz you never know just how much you might like it'.

There are many who say they have strong enough willpower to use drugs but 'stay in control'. Stay nonaddictive.

But I am not convinced. Is it really possible to be an occasional user - devoid of any cravings? Or, does it slowly but inevitably turn into a steep downward spiral... of dil maange more . And more?

Of course, the 'drug' of choice on campuses - which most users don't even consider to be a drug - is grass. And yes, it is legal to smoke pot in Amsterdam and it's fairly common, especially at engineering college campuses in this country. The sickly sweet smell is inescapable at local rock shows...

Towards a more beautiful mind
However there is a new class of 'mind-enhancing' drugs which I am in two minds about. Dr Anjan Chatterjee of U Penn dubs the new generation of performance enhancing drugs now available as 'cosmetic neurology' or 'nip and tuck' for the mind.

No, I am not referring to viagra when I say performance. One of the drugs in question is called modafinil (sold under the brand name Provigil. It was developed to treat patients with narcolepsy or excessive daytime sleepiness.

However it also works - and apparently without side effects - to keep normal people awake and alert. Meaning the night before an important exam it would allow you to stay up and study till 6 am and then write the paper - still feeling fresh.

I learnt about the existence of this drug when I was reading a story on 'Time poverty' for Businessworld. I came across an article written by a journalist from the Washington Post who'd tried the drug and written a glowing account of his '40 hour day'.

``When this stuff takes over, it takes over,'' wrote Joel Garreau. ``Gently, not violently. No apparent loss of acuity. But you have definitely get  kicked into a gear you didn't know you had.''

Apparently soldiers in the US have used it too. Would be tempting for apna call centre workers on the night shift - wouldn't it?

However, although the FDA says Provigil is a low-risk drug, and doctors are saying it's safe for short-term medical use no one is sure of the long-term consequences. After all, you are tricking Mother Nature by depriving your body of sleep.

So I guess whether off the street or off the prescription counter recreational use of drugs can never be 'safe'. It's up to each individual to decide how much risk is too much risk.

Though some would say life with no risk, is no life at all...

The Provogue Millions - now tainted?
Coming back to where I began - the arrest of Salil Chaturvedi. The saddest part, in my opinion, is that doubts are being raised on the meteoric rise of Provogue. After all, in just 11 years since its launch the company known for its colourful polynosic shirts has managed an IPO which was subscribed 8.1 times.

"Coke, not clothes made him millions" alleges the headline in Mumbai Mirror

If Salil is indeed found guilty of selling cocaine one would have to wonder how much that revenue stream has been contributing to the Provogue bottomline... Tainting the whole we-are-young-and-hard-working-and-look-how-far-we-have-come story.

The media has handled the entire thing responsibly, and has not made another "guilty until proven innocent" case like it usually does.

Remember Wintech and Hometrade ?

Hope Provogue is not the next sad chapter in that series.

Beauty gets "real"

"Washing machines with 'silver-nano' technology".
"Shampoos with 'fruitamins'"
"Water with 300% more oxygen".

Buy our products - it's good for your health, home and general well-being. But what about our sanity?

In the general clutter produced by here's-a-great-product-for-you advertising, consumer connect is hard to achieve. Loyalty is elusive - price wars and special offers the only way open to brand managers desperate to move stocks.

But very occassionally, brand managers manage to touch a raw nerve. To make a statement that's relevant to the brand and yet resonates with the audience at a deeper, even primeval level.

That's what Dove appears to have done by featuring 'real' women - not superthin supermodels - in a new ad campaign for a cellulite-control cream. The women appeared - wearing just their bras, underwears and big smiles - on giant billboards, buses and trains in Chicago and other major US markets.

"Our mission is to make more women feel beautiful every day by broadening the definition of beauty," said Philippe Harousseau, Dove's marketing director. The company cleverly launched a 'Campaign for Real Beauty' which addresses the issue of basic female self-esteem .

"How long have we been chasing someone else's idea of beauty?", it asks. Adding, "Real women have real curves'.

This brilliant creative stemmed out of a global study of 3200 women in Argentina, Brazil, Canada, France, Italy, Japan, the Netherlands, Portugal, Britain and America.

"The Real Truth About Beauty" study noted that, "Just 2% of the women in the study considered themselves beautiful. Only 5% feel comfortable describing themselves as pretty and 9% feel comfortable describing themselves as attractive".

Research also showed women were concerned models in beauty adverts did not actually use the products they were promoting. 68% percent agreed that "the media and advertising set an unrealistic standard of beauty that most women can’t ever achieve."

The hidden message
Just like coffee shops aren't so much about coffee as about being a warm and welcoming meeting place, cosmetics are more about boosting one's self-esteem than actually making you thinner or whiter.

And that is what this campaign does. As the gently ironic taglines point out : "Let's face it, firming the thighs of a size 2 supermodel is no challenge." Instead of making you stare at someone thin (who makes you feel fat), you look at someone more real and feel "normal". Whether the cream actually reduces cellulite in 6 weeks or not, it's made you feel good!

Secondly, the campaign has great PR value. Le's face it, the launch of yet another cosmetic lotion is rarely newsworthy. Which is why Indian PR executives who keep hounding editors to feature XYZ company's 'oil control cream' have so much trouble getting a mention.

The Dove campaign made a story which didn't require hard-sell because it had a 'more than a cellulite cream' halo around it. Not only did their 'real models' get covered as "news" in repectable newspapers, it made it to the "Today Show" and "CNN".

What's more, when Chicago Sun Times columnist Richard Roeper called the Dove women 'chunky' he was bombarded with hate mail. Marketer's dream come true.. to have the public come out and defend your campaign!

Salon.com was a bit more cyncial as it asked: "Real beauty" - or really smart marketing? Well, of course it's the latter and yes, the models featured are not so overweight as to be completely unattractive. But I still think it's a breakthrough.

Because in the age of FTV and Miss India, it touches a chord even with women here, on the opposite end of the globe.

The desi story
Would the results of a "real beauty" study throw up equally abysmal results in India? Well, among the new generation of young women - I think yes. Not just in metros, the 'Miss India effect' has percolated 'modern ideas of beauty' down to the smallest of towns.

However, I do believe that girls from small town India would be a little hung up on 'face' and 'hair' and less on figure as regards definition of beauty. Fairness and long black hair would still be more desirable than losing a few extra pounds to achieve one's ideal weight.

While here in Mumbai, Delhi and Bangalore a girl may not be gori-chitti or have ghane reshmi baal. But if she can slip into a slinky dress or size 26 jeans, she will not feel 'average'. She will feel - and even be regarded as - attractive.

The older generation of Indian women believed: "shaadi ke baad shareer bhaari ho hi jaata hai". That's why they always left several inches of 'margin' in the blouses made along with wedding sarees! Well, that attitude is slowly changing.

Women in their 40s and 50s are also becoming a little more weight conscious- although more for 'health' reasons than beauty!

So is India ready for a 'real beauty' campaign? I think so, although for a product less exotic than a 'thigh firming' lotion. We don't even know we have a cellulite problem.
I don't even know what cellulite is. Yes I agree, the guys cash in by making you feel good about yourself.

Fido Dido was convieved with this idea in mind: you are cool as you are.

Anyway, this is a conversation between Gopal, a small town Indian and Sunil, an NRI, after seeing women "featured in their bras and undies on billboards".

"Lot advertisements, brother. Everywhere."
"Yeah."
"Mostly women in them."
"Yep."
"Mostly with no clothes, brother."
"Makes it more attractive."
"What do their fathers say?"

This is from the Inscrutable Americans.

Still is grumbling about the loss of his anonymousity.

And of course, it would be unreal to expect 'real women' willing to be featured in their bras and undies on billboards! That too, smiling!!

Yeh picture kyun bani...

Last night I saw the last one hour of Dil Chahta hai and you know what, it was as enjoyable as it was the first time. And the few other times I've caught bits of it on TV.

It's like every frame and dialogue of the film, every actor and character was perfect in its place. This film - even 20 years from now - will be a classic.

At the other end of the spectrum is Virudh, a film which should never have been made and certainly should not be seen. Just about everything in Virudh has been seen before/done before in some other film and yet, we are told 'it's different'.

The old and still in love couple: Amitabh and Hema Malini were far better in Baghban. Love in old age, by the way, is all about remembering one's spouse takes his/her medicines on time.

"Amitabh Bachchan" - 30 years ago he was the angry young man. In Virudh he becomes the angry old man. He couldn't have hoped to top his performance in Sarkar - and doesn't.

John 'cardboard' Abraham: John is only good for certain kinds of roles - the kind where he wears gunjees or rides bikes. In Virudh he flits in and out of scenes dressed in a spotless white kurta. "Surprise" . White = ghost = dead son narrating story in flashback.

VJ Anusha - An entirely unconvincing firang girlfriend. Just because your boyfriend's mum oils your hair you agree to marry him?

Sanjay Dutt: Plays the mandatory Muslim character 'Ali', the friendly neighbourhood mechanic who beats the lawyer who loses the old couple's case to a pulp. He should have beaten up the director instead.

Mahesh Manjrekar: I always thought this guy was the poor man's Ramgopal Varma. Even that sounds like a compliment after this film. Clearly his heart was not in this film. Nor was his head.

I think a film either has to be interestingly realistic (Chandni Bar, Page 3 types), or completely candyfloss and over the top (Karan Johar style). Virudh is neither here nor there.

On the one hand, we're told this is an old retired couple (one, a school principal and the other an Air India employee). But, they live in a palatial bungalow in Vile Parle.

There is something very fake and disconnected about Virudh - you don't really care when John dies so how would you care whether his father avenges his death?

The funniest bits of the film, however are the three advertisements it features. I call them ads and not product placements because that's what they are.

a) Elf lubricants: Ever seen all the mechanics at a service station togged out in spotless navy blue Elf lubricant overalls? Standing under an Elf signboard?? There's a small lecture thrown in too - on the importance of using the 'correct' engine oil.

b) Nerolac paint: Mera beta do saal ke baad London se aa raha hai! So, Papa and his four friends - all age 60 and above - paint the house. They can afford Nerolac emulsion but not a painter.

c) Western Union money transfer: Amitabh asks Sharmila - 'Aap ke paas paanch hazaar rupaye hain? Lawyer ki fees deni hai". Then he reminisces... how his son used to send him money from London (most students ask their dads to send them money nut never mind!)

Son on the phone from London: Dad ek short code hota hai ...
Dad: Mujhe paise mil gaye
Son: Itni jaldi?
Dad: Yes, thanks to Western Union
Or well, something like that....

But still there are exceptions. Look at K3G. A classic example of everything that is symbolic of the typical rona-dhona brand of hindi cinema. Nothing new about it but it worked. Its all about packaging.

And to think the Times of India gave this movie FOUR stars!

Why we need to crib

Nandan Nilekani, in an interview to Businessweek magazine explains the Indian way of getting things done.

Businessweek: Things are happening much faster in China, where they build infrastructure so rapidly.
Nilekani: It's going to happen, but not the way it happens in China. In China, a bunch of guys get in a room and decide to build a 16-lane highway from Shanghai to Beijing, and it's going to happen.

There's no way that will happen in India. It's too chaotic and argumentative. But what's going to happen is these 200 planes will be ordered, they won't land. They'll be circling. Everybody will get [very angry].

Finally, there will be such public outcry that the airports will get built. It's a different model. But it's a model.

And hopefully a day will come when we won't need to get angry anymore...

Had it rained in China...

A visitor from Spain to Pondy who is spending 6 months in China on a sabbatical (lucky bum!) was inquiring about the rains here, as would a curious visitor from abroad would do trying to get an indepth about various curiosities.

 "Nature and its elements are just unpredictable; China also has its share of  floodings in the mid-south but you don´t hear that much since mostly negative things are covered up or simply not talked about".

Hmmm. I wonder - if Shanghai had received 944 mm of rain would it have coped better? Or would we just not have seen ugly pictures and hence never known about the magnitude of the disaster??

I think that kind of cover-up would be hard for a major commercial center housing so many expatriates. But then China - you can never underestimate that country!

But as one drives past the filthy slums on the streets of Mumbai, where kids routinely shit on the street in full view of cars, where garbage always lies in fly-infested piles, one still can't help feeling...

70% of our citizens can't 'somehow' manage in sub-human conditions, without the System breaking down at some point. These are people who probably earn Rs 3000-4000 a month - they own small TVs, even mobiles but can't afford a 200 sq ft room with concrete roof over their heads.

And as mill lands are becoming available for redevelopment, all that developers - even the likes of Manohar Joshi and Raj Thackeray - can think about is constructing more malls...