Boy oh boy! He is a monster when it comes to show of stunts, but is otherwise a softie which makes him adorable. There’s no limit to his daredevilry. My heart does a somersault; every time I see him hop on the TV set placed on a 4-feet tabletop from a 2-feet bed and then dive for the bean bag down on the floor. Like a skilled acrobat, he swiftly tucks his chin in his chest lest he bangs his head on the tiled floor. But, he is not lucky always. One slip and he falls flat. But, is quick to collect himself and sits there with hands folded across his chest, silently. “Did you hurt yourself?” I ask him with my heart in my mouth. “Nope,” comes a stoic reply. I know he is hurt badly, but doesn’t want to show his pain. Oh man, he’s not even four!
“Mard ko dard nahi hota,” rings an old friend’s humorous take on man’s innate behaviour of restraining himself from shedding tears when hurt. He bears the pain to the point of being superhuman -- no matter "how badly he has been beaten or how cruel the torture has been". But, “chot agar dil pe lagi ho to dard hota hai,” says a journo friend, “aur phir dil hi nahi, aankhen bhi zaar-zaar roti hain”. If a heartbroken man says that he is not wounded, he is not bruised and bleeding, then he is lying, he says, citing the case of his close friend, who broke a dozen hearts before meeting the same fate. Tears roll down his cheeks even today while nursing his wounds.
Salon terms the year 2010 as the year of tears for men. Citing an attorney, it states how male “machoism dominated early 70's. Men were not supposed to publicly display emotions as it was viewed as a sign of weakness. But stoicism gave way over the years to sensitivity as a desirable male trait, and by 2010, there were few fears for tears left among well-known American men”.
I have seen my father weep at the bidaai of my sister. I understand his crying as it was done at a time and in a particular circumstance that allowed him to lower his guard without the fear of ridicule. I am sure that he wouldn’t be moved enough by a good movie to let a drop out of his tear ducts. Not even by failure or embarrassment. How often we hear moms admonish their little boys, “Stop crying, be a man!” An oft-repeated phrase, ‘be a man’ means to look failure, frailty and fear squarely in the face, and not blink, says a feminist and a writer.
But down the years, men have become less inhibited in demonstrating emotions. In fact, we get to see more of this human side of the male now. What was once considered as unmanly, is now being viewed as a quality to have as an asset. The turnaround was ably captured in the Raymond’s ‘complete man’ ad series in 1990's. It broke the stereotypical image of a macho Indian man portrayed in Hindi films. “Raymond actually robbed the man of his mardangi,” says a columnist. And, instead emerged a “sensitive, vulnerable, versatile, caring, intellectual and fun” man. The next decade saw this softer side becoming more pronounced. Images of men crying openly began to fill the small screen space. TV actors left behind the likes of Archana, Tulsi and Parvati in the tear terrain. “It’s cool to cry as it shows that emotions are same for men and women,” says a TV actor. Not only on daily soaps, but also on the reality shows more and more men turned on the waterworks. Filmmaker Shekhar Kapur got so overwhelmed by the performance of a group of physically challenged kids on India’s Got Talent that he couldn’t control his sobbing. Sanjay Dutt -- the icon of macho Bollywood heroes -- wept on the Indian Idol 5 show after hearing the soul stirring AR Rahman’s Sufi number “Khwaja mere khwaja”.
Remember Qutubuddin Ansari! The face that flashed across the world as the face of the Gujarat riots -- eyes welling with tears, face covered with mud and dried blood, and hands folded in a plea for mercy. Or, cricketer Kapil Dev, who broke down on Karan Thapar’s show when asked if he had a role in match-fixing! And, can we ever forget our Men in Blue shedding the tears of joy and jubilation after winning the World Cup? Yes, the man has arrived – mard ko bhi dard hota hai…
“Mard ko dard nahi hota,” rings an old friend’s humorous take on man’s innate behaviour of restraining himself from shedding tears when hurt. He bears the pain to the point of being superhuman -- no matter "how badly he has been beaten or how cruel the torture has been". But, “chot agar dil pe lagi ho to dard hota hai,” says a journo friend, “aur phir dil hi nahi, aankhen bhi zaar-zaar roti hain”. If a heartbroken man says that he is not wounded, he is not bruised and bleeding, then he is lying, he says, citing the case of his close friend, who broke a dozen hearts before meeting the same fate. Tears roll down his cheeks even today while nursing his wounds.
Salon terms the year 2010 as the year of tears for men. Citing an attorney, it states how male “machoism dominated early 70's. Men were not supposed to publicly display emotions as it was viewed as a sign of weakness. But stoicism gave way over the years to sensitivity as a desirable male trait, and by 2010, there were few fears for tears left among well-known American men”.
I have seen my father weep at the bidaai of my sister. I understand his crying as it was done at a time and in a particular circumstance that allowed him to lower his guard without the fear of ridicule. I am sure that he wouldn’t be moved enough by a good movie to let a drop out of his tear ducts. Not even by failure or embarrassment. How often we hear moms admonish their little boys, “Stop crying, be a man!” An oft-repeated phrase, ‘be a man’ means to look failure, frailty and fear squarely in the face, and not blink, says a feminist and a writer.
But down the years, men have become less inhibited in demonstrating emotions. In fact, we get to see more of this human side of the male now. What was once considered as unmanly, is now being viewed as a quality to have as an asset. The turnaround was ably captured in the Raymond’s ‘complete man’ ad series in 1990's. It broke the stereotypical image of a macho Indian man portrayed in Hindi films. “Raymond actually robbed the man of his mardangi,” says a columnist. And, instead emerged a “sensitive, vulnerable, versatile, caring, intellectual and fun” man. The next decade saw this softer side becoming more pronounced. Images of men crying openly began to fill the small screen space. TV actors left behind the likes of Archana, Tulsi and Parvati in the tear terrain. “It’s cool to cry as it shows that emotions are same for men and women,” says a TV actor. Not only on daily soaps, but also on the reality shows more and more men turned on the waterworks. Filmmaker Shekhar Kapur got so overwhelmed by the performance of a group of physically challenged kids on India’s Got Talent that he couldn’t control his sobbing. Sanjay Dutt -- the icon of macho Bollywood heroes -- wept on the Indian Idol 5 show after hearing the soul stirring AR Rahman’s Sufi number “Khwaja mere khwaja”.
Remember Qutubuddin Ansari! The face that flashed across the world as the face of the Gujarat riots -- eyes welling with tears, face covered with mud and dried blood, and hands folded in a plea for mercy. Or, cricketer Kapil Dev, who broke down on Karan Thapar’s show when asked if he had a role in match-fixing! And, can we ever forget our Men in Blue shedding the tears of joy and jubilation after winning the World Cup? Yes, the man has arrived – mard ko bhi dard hota hai…
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